When I was in my 20s, I studied and lived at Bible college. Some of the married students also lived on campus together with their whole family. I once commented to one of the wives that it must be so wonderful to have other Christian mums and kids around during the day. But her reply left me in shock. She said that there was actually a noticeable division between the college families—some families intentionally avoided spending time together. So what was it that had driven a wedge between these Christian families? Was it a difference of doctrines or denomination? No—it was their differing parenting styles. And I’m sure that this story is all too common.

So how can we build positive relationships with other Christian parents, when our parenting styles can be so different?

It’s a journey

The fact is that our parenting style usually grows and matures with time. We all start out as anxious and overprotective ‘first-time parents’. But as time goes on, we gain confidence in our parenting through experience and observation. We refine our approach through trial and error. By the time we have our second or third child we have usually become more relaxed and self-assured. Parenting is just one of those skills you have to learn on the job.

So when we encounter someone with a different parenting style to us, it may be that they are still finding their feet. Maybe they just haven’t had the chance to learn all of the lessons that we have learnt. We need to allow other parents time to mature in their parenting, like we have done.

I find this is a helpful starting point for conversations—I can usually empathise with where other parents are at in their parenting journey. By acknowledging that we are all improving as we go, I can humbly share the things I have learnt along the way.

Asking why …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.