sex | Harriet Connor

We live in a time of great confusion about gender—what it means to be a man or woman, boy or girl. And sadly, an increasing number of children are getting caught up in the confusion. As Christian parents, we can look around and start to become anxious that our own children might suddenly begin to question their gender.

In the latest episode of our Timeless Parenting podcast, we spoke with Christian sexologist Patricia Weerakoon and her son, theologian Kamal Weerakoon to gain an understanding of this fraught topic. They began by laying the foundations, explaining how we got to this point in history, what ‘transgender ideology’ means and why it is growing in influence.

By contrast, Patricia and Kamal helped us to build up a biblical, Christian picture of gender that is grounded in God’s good creation of our male and female bodies, and yet free from restrictive gender stereotypes.

**Patricia and Kamal Weerakoon have also written a chapter on this topic in our new book, Parenting in God’s Family. Order your copy today!**

And what about the gender-confused kids?

In our conversation, Patricia and Kamal shared their wealth of expert knowledge about the complex network of factors that can lead children to experience distress relating to their gender, and the risks of a medicalised approach.

What can Christian parents do?

The right time to start helping your kids build a healthy gender identity is … now! Patricia and Kamal explained how Christian parents can pre-emptively subvert the messages of transgender ideology, even before their children come across them in the classroom, playground or on social media. We can help our children to develop a positive view of the male or female bodies that God has given them, and a positive view of the puberty they will experience. We can also provide our kids with a rich variety of role models from the Bible and real life to demonstrate that there is no ‘right’ way to be a boy or girl, man or woman.

Mum, dad … I think I’m trans

Many parents live in fear of hearing their child utter those words. But in our conversation, Patricia reassured us: ‘Don’t panic!’. She then proceeded to give parents (and other invested adults) some very practical steps they can take to work through this situation with their child in a constructive way, ‘leaning in’ with love.

If you haven’t listened to our podcast before, this episode is not to be missed. Take the time to get informed, encouraged and equipped to help your children develop a healthy gender identity, starting now. We also recommend reading Patricia’s books, such as Talking Sex by the Book, which guides parents in talking to their children about this topic, especially those who may be confused about gender.

Patricia and Kamal Weerakoon have also written a chapter on this topic in our new book, Parenting in God’s Family:

Parenting in God’s Family

‘Parenting in God’s Family’ contains reflections and advice by 16 authors from many different walks and stages of life, all seeking to encourage and equip parents with biblical wisdom and practical tips. It covers topics as diverse as sibling relationships, schooling choices and single parenting, as well as discipline, doubts and digital boundaries. Read more

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Timeless Parenting is brought to you by Growing Faith, a ministry of Youthworks Media, and Mothers Union Sydney. If you want to get in touch with us to offer some feedback or suggest a topic, you can write to us at: timelessparenting@youthworks.net

You can also find our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and other platforms.

Do you have a pre-teen or ‘tween’ living in your house? Are you worried about how to deal with adolescence? Don’t panic! While puberty can be a confusing time, your loving guidance will help your child to grow into the man or woman God made them to be. You have an opportunity now to help them build a healthy gender identity before puberty hits.

(I wrote this article based on an interview with Patricia Weerakoon, c0-author of The Gender Revolution and author of Growing Up by the Book.)

Why are pre-teens vulnerable to gender ideology?

Children who are about to start puberty (ages 10–12) are particularly vulnerable to gender ideology: the belief that you can be ‘born in the wrong body’ and should change your body to match your innate inner feeling of ‘gender identity’.

To begin with, pre-teens have a rapidly developing brain and are sensitive to what is happening within and around them. At this age, children have a normal, natural ‘body angst’ about how their body compares to others and how it is going to change during puberty.

On top of that, many pre-teens are immersed in the world of social media, which encourages them to be discontented with their bodies and to question their gender. Spending a lot of time online, whether on Tiktok, Instagram and Youtube or playing video games, can also condition children, especially those who are uncomfortable with their bodies, into seeing their bodies not as a good gift from God, but as something that can be created and recreated however they like; the line between fantasy and reality is blurred.

What are pre-teens hearing about gender, sex and puberty?

Today’s pre-teens are being told that if you don’t conform to narrow gender stereotypes, then you must actually be the other gender, trapped in the wrong body. If you’re a boy who dislikes rough-and-tumble play and likes tea parties and dancing, then you must really be a girl. If you’re a girl who doesn’t like pink or Barbies, but likes climbing trees then you must really be a boy.

Pre-teens are also hearing that puberty—a normal, natural stage of life—is an optional inconvenience that can be paused at will. (Medically speaking, this is completely untrue. Artificially blocking a child’s puberty has serious side-effects; puberty cannot simply resume where it left off.)

Sadly, pre-teens are also living in a pornified culture where girls think women are expected to look like porn stars and tolerate pornified behaviour from men. Many boys are following online influencers who promote ‘macho’ and misogynistic expressions of masculinity.

Into this fraught environment comes transgender ideology promising a way to relieve your body angst, fix your gender non-conformity, avoid puberty and escape the negative visions of womanhood or manhood that frighten you. It’s no wonder that some children (especially girls) find this offer attractive.

What role do parents play?

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: sex

Don’t panic! Here’s how to navigate gender confusion