Prayer | Harriet Connor

Tag: Prayer

A prayer for a surprise pregnancy

On 04/08/2023

When our youngest child was about to start primary school, I felt like I was about to enter a whole new stage of motherhood. I was considering two different part-time ministry jobs, as well as various opportunities to serve at our church and our kids’ school and I felt excited at what lay ahead.

On New Year’s Eve I prayed this prayer (I found it this week in my prayer journal):

Eternal Creator, Loving Father,
I kneel before you at the threshold of a new year and hand my life over to you again. I am willing—and excited—to go wherever you lead me. All I ask is that you keep equipping me for whatever you call me to—with love, wisdom, time, ideas, grace, patience, faithfulness and perseverance. Please fill me with your Spirit to speak the life-giving truth and to live by the truth. Please show me how—and who—to love with time and encouragement, food and comfort …
Amen.

When I prayed that prayer, I had no idea that God was about to answer in the most surprising way. After five-and-a-half years of believing that ‘family planning’ was something in our control, I fell pregnant for the fourth time.

I thought I was open to anything, ready to serve in whatever way God asked me to. Except for this. I’m not ready for this. I had had enough of 24-hour ‘morning’ sickness and the other discomforts and anxieties that come with pregnancy, especially at an older age. I wasn’t confident I had enough energy left to carry and give birth to another baby. I couldn’t face the thought yet more years of breastfeeding dramas, nappies and sleepless nights. I was not emotionally prepared for another five years of having a small person attached to me most of the time. I felt like I was being asked to stay back and ‘repeat’ when I had been about to graduate.

Over that summer, I slowly came to accept the fact that I really was pregnant. I gradually came to realise that carrying, birthing and raising another child was the ministry God had planned for me. It was primarily that person that God wanted me to love with my time and encouragement, food and comfort. And it was for the ministry of motherhood that I would need God’s provision of love, wisdom, time, ideas, grace, faithfulness and perseverance, as I had prayed.

I felt a mixture of emotions as I told people the news: sometimes I felt guilty that I was ‘going back for fourths’ while others were struggling to conceive even one child; other times I felt embarrassed (‘Don’t you guys know how babies are made?’); sometimes I tried to second-guess God’s plans—surely this would be that long-awaited daughter! (It wasn’t.)

Now I’ve written a new prayer for those who find themselves surprised by pregnancy:

Lord, you have searched me and you know me. Lord, you see me. Lord, you hold me—us—in your hand.

You are the God who wove me together in the depths of the earth. You formed my womb. Every day of my life was written in your book before one of them came to be. This is not the plan I had for my life, not the future I imagined. But I surrender myself to your better, wiser plans. I offer myself as an earthen vessel—a jar of clay—for you to mould and shape and use for your perfect purposes.

Now who are you knitting together in the dark depths of my womb? What days do you have planned for them?

What a privilege to have the miracle of life forming inside me—to have you at work within my womb, swirling together a universe—a new eternal soul—where there once was nothing.

To me, the future is dark and unknown: Will my baby be healthy? Will it be a boy or girl? When will it be born? Will the birth be straightforward? Will I be able to breastfeed? How will I cope?

It is tempting to let fear and worry overcome me. But darkness is as light to you. Not even a sparrow falls to the ground without your knowledge. You even know the number of hairs on my head. You feed the birds and clothe the flowers. Surely you will care for me and my baby. You know what I need before I even know what to ask you.

With Sarah and Elizabeth, I laugh with surprise: ‘After I am worn out and my husband is old, will I now have this pleasure?’ (Genesis 18:12)

With Eve may I soon say, ‘With the help of the Lord, I have brought forth a man!’ (Genesis 4:1)

But for now, with Mary, I simply say, ‘I am the Lord’s servant’ (Luke 1:38). May I faithfully carry out the ministry of motherhood that you have called me to. I receive this child as they truly are: a precious gift from you.
Amen.

What is Lent and how might we observe it?

By Harriet Connor

On 11/02/2023

In Articles

Lent traditions

Lent is the season of the Church calendar which comprises the 40 days (plus Sundays) before Easter. It has been observed since the earliest days of the Church and is modelled on Jesus’ 40 days of testing in the wilderness. Traditionally, Lent is a season of self-examination, prayer, fasting and giving, which is designed to prepare a person’s heart for the celebration of Easter.

Lent begins on Ash Wednesday when many churches hold a special service of repentance, culminating in the minister marking each person’s head with ash in the sign of a cross, saying:

‘Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return. Turn away from sin and be faithful to Christ.’

During Lent, Christians have traditionally fasted from meat, fish, eggs and butter, and restricted themselves to only one full meal each evening (a small amount of food would also be eaten in the morning and at midday). This did not count for Sundays, which were still considered days of celebration. Children, the elderly and pregnant and breastfeeding mothers were not expected to fast. In general, these ‘rules’ for fasting have become more relaxed. Today, even the Roman Catholic Church requires adults to fast only on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday and abstain from meat on the Fridays of Lent.

In order to rid the kitchen of ‘forbidden’ foods before Lent, Christians began celebrating Shrove Tuesday (also known as Mardi Gras or ‘Fat Tuesday’) the day before, when they would eat up all their ‘luxury’ foods. At some times in history, Christians gave up eggs, sugar and dairy for Lent, which gave rise to the tradition of cooking of pancakes on that day.

In addition to this ‘giving up’, Lent is a time for taking up the spiritual disciplines of prayer and giving in a more focused way. Physical hunger is meant to drive the worshipper to depend on God more prayerfully; the money saved by refraining from ‘luxury’ foods (such as meat) can be shared generously with those in need.

Lent, modernised

Some modern Christians choose to ‘fast’ from different things during Lent. Some common things to give up are chocolate/sugar, alcohol or social media. The idea is that when you are tempted to go to these things for comfort, you seek God in prayer instead. Giving up social media can also free up more time and attention that we can devote to God.

To keep reading about Lent for families, head to Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Parenting in the Spirit

By Harriet Connor

On 31/12/2022

In Articles

As a mother, I’ve found it quite difficult to ride the waves of the past couple of years. We’ve all had to adapt to the constant change and anxiety brought about by a global pandemic. And now that life is largely back to normal, we have to cope with the ‘normal’ (read: insane!) levels of busyness that we seem to have lived with pre-pandemic.

Over the past two years, our family has also had to adjust to the arrival of a fourth child, a change of schools and two job changes for my husband. It feels like we’re still slightly off balance and out of control most of the time; things are always falling off the proverbial cart.

Faced with the stress and anxiety that seems to be my new normal, I’ve been learning the power of deep breathing. When I feel overwhelmed, I’m learning to stop and take a few slow breaths in and out again to help my body and mind relax and let go of the tension. It’s been surprisingly effective.

As a Christian, I’m also using these moments, these deep breaths, to take hold of the secret weapon that every Christian parent has at their disposal—the Holy Spirit. As I breathe in, I’m reminding myself that God’s Spirit—God’s breath—gives the life, power, wisdom, freedom and love that we need for every moment of every day.

Will you join me in praying for this to be the year of parenting in the Spirit?
—
Lord, the giver of life,

In the beginning, you breathed into a handful of earth and human beings came to life (Genesis 2:7). In the valley of Ezekiel’s vision, you breathed into dry, lifeless bones and they took on flesh, becoming a mighty army (Ezekiel 37). In the darkness of the tomb, by the power of your Spirit, you raised Jesus from the dead to a new, indestructible life.

May you, the One who gives life to the dead, breathe life into our mortal bodies because of your Spirit who lives in us (Romans 8:11).

Lord, the giver of strength,

I am weak and weary, frail and finite. But I know that your mighty power—the same power that raised Jesus from the dead—is living in us (Ephesians 1:19–20).

I look to you to renew my strength. Help me soar on wings like an eagle; help me run and not grow weary, help me walk and not be faint (Isaiah 40:31). Lord, help me to trust that ‘I can do all things through him who gives me strength’ (Philippians 4:13).

Lord, the giver of wisdom,

Every day, I face many complex decisions. Too often, I don’t know what to do or how to respond to the people and situations around me. Please fill me with the Spirit of wisdom and revelation that I may know you better and know how best to follow you (Ephesians 1:17). May your Spirit teach me and guide me into all truth (John 16:13).

Lord, the giver of freedom

Too often our family life is based on ‘law’—on rules and expectations. Too often, my relationships are driven by duty, by what ‘should’ be done, which means that my family life often falls short of my ideals.

But through Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life has set us free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:2). Jesus kept the law for me so that I don’t have to.

Please cleanse me from my sin. Please give me a new heart and put a new spirit in me: take away my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26–27). Please help me to live not by the letter of law but by the Spirit of freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17).

Please fill my children with your Spirit too. May they obey from a heart that’s been set free, not from a heart that’s afraid of breaking the law.

Lord, the giver of love,

When I live by the law, I become controlling, impatient, critical and anxious. When I expect obedience from our children, but without love, our family starts running on fear.

But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18–19). Thank you for your perfect love that accepts us and forgives us just as we are. Help me to love my family just as you have loved me; help me to forgive them as you forgive.

Love is the fulfilment of the law: if we simply love others by the Spirit, then we will always be doing what is pleasing to you (Romans 13:8–10). Please bring forth in me the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).

By your Spirit, please transform me more and more into the image and likeness of Jesus, my Saviour (2 Corinthians 3:18).

In his name I pray,
Amen.
—
This year, when you feel overwhelmed, maybe you could stop and take some deep breaths. And as you breathe in, take hold of the secret weapon of Christian parenting:

May the Spirit of life make dry bones live;
May the Spirit of power make us strong;
May the Spirit of wisdom show us the way;
May the Spirit of freedom move us to love.

This article originally appeared at Growing Faith.

When you’re feeling the pinch

By Harriet Connor

On 10/09/2022

In Articles

How do you feel when you’re standing at the petrol pump or the checkout these days, as you watch the numbers on the display rise higher and higher? If you’re anything like me, your stress levels start rising in sync with the mounting tally.

Right now, many of us are feeling the pinch of the rising cost of living. So how can we and our families face financial stress in a healthy way?

Look up

It’s times like these when we really have to depend on God, the ultimate provider. Like the rest of creation, we must look to the one who ‘feeds the birds of the air and clothes the flowers of the field’ (Matthew 6:26–30).

With empty hands and heavy hearts, we can cry out, like the psalmist did:

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1–2)

With the kids
We don’t need to explain the finer details of our finances to our children. But we do need to pray together as a family, asking God to provide for us. This shows our children that we’re depending on God, even when we’re feeling anxious. We could read Psalm 121 or Matthew 6:25–34 together.

Set your priorities

As our parents always said, ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees’! We can’t produce more of it, but we can choose how we spend the money we have.

It’s a good idea to sit down with our spouse and make a weekly or monthly budget. We can start by listing out how we currently spend our money and talk about our priorities going forward.

You might look at expenses like: everyday food, dining out, takeaway coffee, schooling, housing, cars, insurance, holidays, giving to church/charity, kids’ music lessons and after school activities.

Which things are non-negotiables for us, and which things can we change or compromise on?

With the kids
In our family, we don’t just say ‘We can’t afford it’ about something the kids want. Rather, we emphasise that it’s all about how we choose to spend our money. We tell them our priorities—a suitable house, healthy food, clothes to wear, education—and explain that the new toy or experience they want just doesn’t rank as highly. We also tell them that when they grow up, they can choose to spend their own money however they like!

Ask for help …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: Prayer

A prayer for a surprise pregnancy

What is Lent and how might we observe it?

Lent traditions

Lent, modernised

Parenting in the Spirit

When you’re feeling the pinch

Look up

Set your priorities

Ask for help …

Harriet Connor

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