Should mothers work? That’s the question at the heart of the so-called ‘mummy wars’, which have sought to divide ‘working mums’ from ‘stay-at-home mums’. This article is an excerpt from my chapter of Parenting in God’s Family Volume 2 and offers some reflections that might help us to bridge the divide between ‘work’ and ‘home’ and imagine a more biblical integration of these two spheres of life.
This topic can stir up some very strong emotions. It doesn’t take much to make a mother feel guilty about what she has or hasn’t done for her children (or her career). But it’s important to say at the outset that we are all bound by the particular circumstances we find ourselves in—all we can do is make the most of them. In today’s economy, many mothers have very little choice about when or whether to return to paid employment.
All of us, however we’ve managed to ‘juggle’ raising children with paying the bills, have to entrust our children—and our bills!—into God’s strong and loving hands. No mother is perfect or perfectly present for her children, but all mothers can turn to Jesus who said:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28–29)
What is work?
To begin with it’s important to recognise that in God’s eyes, there is no distinction between paid work and the rest of life. Human beings have a creation mandate: God created us for the ‘work’ of filling, ruling and caring for creation as his image-bearers (Genesis 1:26–28; Genesis 2:15). Christians also have a gospel mandate: we have been re-created for the ‘work’ of loving God, loving our neighbours and sharing the good news about Jesus (Matthew 22:37–39; Matthew 28:19–20).
It’s not wrong to do these things for money—after all, ‘the worker deserves his wages’ (1 Timothy 5:18). But if we do these things as a volunteer—for our own family or church community—it still counts as valuable ‘work’ in God’s eyes.
In the modern economy, ‘real’ work is done for strangers in exchange for money. In economic terms, working in a childcare centre looking after other people’s children is considered ‘work’; but staying home to care for your own child is not. By contrast, in God’s economy, ‘work’ that is done out of love for people we know brings him great glory, because we are living out our God-given purpose—even if it brings us no earthly reward.
Motherhood is not just a ‘job’. It’s not about function but relationship: it binds us to particular people—our own children. Children need their mothers close, especially in the first three years: mothers may be replaceable at work, but not at home. Being present and attentive to our own children and creating a nurturing home for them is the invaluable work of motherhood (for more about this, see my chapter of Parenting in God’s Family Volume 2).
How pre-industrial mothers worked
Our modern economy has separated the spheres of ‘home’ and ‘work’. Home is generally only a place of rest and recreation—where things are consumed rather than produced. This has resulted in the dichotomy that started the ‘mummy wars’: either you ‘go out’ to work or you are a ‘stay-at-home’ mother.
However, this sharp division is fairly recent; before the Industrial Revolution, most homes were also ‘workplaces’. Families ran farms, shops and small businesses from their home bases. They also grew, cooked and preserved food; they sewed, knitted and repaired clothes. Families were not just bound by affection and recreation—they were also economic units: mothers and fathers, sons and daughters all contributed to the family’s ‘work’.
This model allowed mothers (and fathers!) to integrate the various kinds of ‘work’ that human beings were created to do. They could ‘fill the earth’ by giving birth to and raising their own children at the same time as ‘working’ the creation for food and clothing and serving their neighbours through their family business. Men and women still had their distinct areas of focus, but there was much more crossover and collaboration.
