Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: hospitality

Christians have two families

Over the past 12 months, our little regional church has started growing—one person, one family at a time. One Sunday last year, a woman about my age came along by herself—she and her family had recently arrived in Australia from the Middle East, and she was curious about Christianity. Eventually her husband and children started coming to church too; then her husband’s parents began tagging along, even though they don’t speak any English.

By the time Christmas came around, my new friend wanted to be baptised. By Easter, it was her husband’s turn. And I know that for both of them, the thing that drew them towards Christianity—and ultimately to Christ—was experiencing our Christian community.

Now I have to admit: our church is very ordinary. We’re a motley group of all ages and stages; we’re not particularly good-looking or outwardly successful; we’re not all in ‘happy families’; we’re just plodding through the ups and downs of life together, with our eyes fixed on Jesus. So I asked our new friends why our ordinary little church community had made such an impact on them.

The first word they used was ‘open’: our church welcomed them in, without putting any hurdles in their way. There was no dress code, no shushing of noisy children, no judgement for those who are still working out their faith. My friend’s husband called it ‘love without conditions’. The next thing that stood out was the personal interest and care. When the recent Middle East conflict began to touch their home country, our church drew around them to listen and to pray.

A number of families, including ours, have invited these newcomers over for a meal (and they have more than returned the favour!). As they left our place, the wife was beaming from ear to ear. ‘Thank you. Really, thank you. We had such a feeling of family tonight’, she said.

Another person who joined our church for a time was a young single man whose work had brought him to our area—on the other side of the country from his family. I got to hear this young man’s story of faith one night as we were doing the washing up after a church dinner. He had become a Christian a few years earlier through a Christian housemate. Sadly, the young man’s work contract recently came to an end, and we had to farewell him. On his final Sunday, he thanked us for welcoming him into our community and being ‘a home away from home’.

All of these new people claim to have experienced God’s love through our church community and have used the language of ‘family’ to describe it. Indeed, we speak about the church being a family, because that’s how the New Testament describes it—as ‘the household of God’ (1 Timothy 3:15).

But what does that mean exactly? And how do our natural families fit into this picture? Is our church family a replacement for our natural family? Or is a church simply a gathering of natural families? Or is the church something different altogether?

Someone that I have learnt a lot from on these questions is British theologian Alastair Roberts. Coming up on Wednesday, June 17, Alastair will be in Sydney speaking about how the cross reshapes all of our relationships. This event run is being run by Cross Related (formerly Single Minded).

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The value of a ‘small’ Christian life

I grew up in Sydney—a vast city with an ever-growing population and a never-ending list of things to do and see. In Sydney, you can find just about anything or anyone if you travel far enough. It’s a world of opportunity, with very few limitations. What an exciting place to grow up!

But in our first year of marriage, we moved to the regional area where my husband grew up. Our ultimate plan was to head to Europe as missionaries (how exciting!), but out of the blue, we were offered the chance to gain some ministry experience by serving in an Anglican church outside of Sydney. After four years, with one toddler in tow, we ended up moving a few postcodes over to serve in another church in a regional town.

Thirteen years and three more sons later, we’ve had one church change and a few job changes for my husband, but we are still living in the same town. Part of the reason we have stayed put is that my parents generously helped us to buy a house here a number of years ago.

Since then, a strange thing has happened—our whole world has now shrunk down to this one small regional town. Our older kids have moved to a Christian school here, our youngest was offered a preschool place in the town, I have taken up part-time work a few blocks away from that, I now teach SRE in the local primary school … and even our sons’ Cadets unit moved to a new HQ—at the end of our street! I never have to travel more than six minutes in my normal weekly routine.

The life we have now is quite a contrast from the way I grew up. So what are the things I’ve noticed about the value of living a ‘small’ Christian life?

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Preparing ourselves for Halloween

At about this time every year, I notice a decoration going up on a house or a costume for sale in a shop and think to myself: ‘Ah yes, I really must work out what to do about Halloween—what should our family “policy” be?’

Just shut the door?

When our kids first became old enough to notice that something was going on, I was a little bit afraid of Halloween and we had a ‘just shut the door’ policy. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to deliberately scare children for fun. I told my kids simply, ‘We don’t do Halloween in our family’.

Then our children started seeing the neighbourhood kids walking past, all dressed up to go ‘trick or treating’. ‘Can we go too?’ they started to ask.

Just hospitality?

My next policy was one of ‘just hospitality’. I thought how sad it would be if the only house in the street with their door shut was the one where the Christians lived. So we began putting a bowl of lollies outside the house and welcoming trick or treaters as they passed. I let our kids get dressed up if they wanted to and encouraged them to invite the trick or treaters to come and take something. Gradually, my kids started making homemade decorations too. One year, they made a skull out of Lego. Another year, they wanted to try carving a pumpkin.

This week I listened to a podcast from Faith in Kids and was inspired by the example of some Christian families who make little gift bags to give out to the kids of their neighbourhood, sometimes including a Bible verse or a Christian Halloween story or tract (you can find some here and here).

No fear!

In previous years, I have felt reluctant to actively participate in Halloween beyond buying a few bags of lollies. I didn’t like all the dark spiritual undertones and the themes of death, violence and fear that seemed so anti-Christian.

However, my approach has changed since reading an article by James Jordan (there’s also a video from SpeakLife that takes a similar approach). Jordan explains the Christian origins of Halloween or All Hallow’s Eve (the night before All Saints Day) like this:

‘The concept, as dramatised in Christian custom, is quite simple: On October 31, the demonic realm tries one last time to achieve victory, but is banished by the joy of the Kingdom. What is the means by which the demonic realm is vanquished? In a word: mockery. Satan’s great sin is pride. Thus, to drive Satan from us we ridicule him … because he has lost the battle with Jesus and he no longer has power over us …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

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