Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: Hope

Boxing Day blues: finding hope when Christmas disappoints

It’s been a difficult few weeks in our part of the world, so I’m guessing that for many families, Christmas wasn’t that ‘jolly’ this year. We all still did the normal things—going to church; singing Christmas carols; tipping out Christmas ‘stockings’; distributing presents from under the tree; visiting family; eating lots of food.

But this year, Christmas was probably a little subdued. Our home state—indeed the whole of Australia—is still living in the shadow of the horrific antisemitic terrorist attack that killed 16 people and injured 40 at a Hannukah celebration at Bondi beach less than two weeks ago. I think we all feel heartbroken for our Jewish neighbours—and so sad that our country has let them down.

It’s not just a national tragedy that can take the shine off Christmas. I know many families who had to celebrate with an empty chair at the table this year. Mothers and fathers, wives and husbands who have passed away; spouses who have moved out because of relationship breakdown.

It’s the smaller things too—the kids being disappointed with or ungrateful for their presents, family members snapping and grumbling, extended family conflicts bubbling up to the surface.

All of these things can rob us of the peace and joy that we want to feel at this special time of year.

We spend so long looking forward to Christmas—the shops get us going early with their music announcing: ‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year!’; the kids count down the days on the Advent calendar, the excitement builds, they stay up late on Christmas Eve with pure anticipation of the day to come.

And then this: perhaps we had a day that wasn’t particularly wonderful or joyful. It can leave us wondering, ‘Is that it?! Was Christmas really worth the wait?’.

The day after the terrorist attack, many people lit a candle in their window to represent the candles of Hannukah, the ‘festival of lights’. One little flame flickering in a world that felt so very dark. It was a meaningful symbol of solidarity and hope, and yet it seemed so small and feeble.

The first Christmas: Is that it!?

I can imagine that many people were underwhelmed by the first Christmas too. When they looked at the small, feeble baby lying in a feeding trough, those who were there might have been wondering, ‘Is that it?!’.

God’s people had been waiting not just for a month or a year, but for over 50 generations for God’s promised Saviour to arrive. Ever since God had promised that a descendant of Eve would crush the head of the serpent (Genesis 3:15). With each new generation, God’s people wondered, ‘Is this the one who will crush sin and death and make things right?’.

Then finally, he came. Not in a palace with trumpets and fanfare, but in a small-town stable surrounded by his poor, unmarried parents and a bunch of local shepherds. His birth was announced to some people by glorious angels, to others by signs in the stars. But not even King Herod knew about Jesus’ birth until the wise men came knocking some time later.

Baby Jesus was one little flame flickering in a world that was so very dark. How can the birth of one small baby possibly give hope to humanity?

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Preparing ourselves for Halloween

At about this time every year, I notice a decoration going up on a house or a costume for sale in a shop and think to myself: ‘Ah yes, I really must work out what to do about Halloween—what should our family “policy” be?’

Just shut the door?

When our kids first became old enough to notice that something was going on, I was a little bit afraid of Halloween and we had a ‘just shut the door’ policy. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to deliberately scare children for fun. I told my kids simply, ‘We don’t do Halloween in our family’.

Then our children started seeing the neighbourhood kids walking past, all dressed up to go ‘trick or treating’. ‘Can we go too?’ they started to ask.

Just hospitality?

My next policy was one of ‘just hospitality’. I thought how sad it would be if the only house in the street with their door shut was the one where the Christians lived. So we began putting a bowl of lollies outside the house and welcoming trick or treaters as they passed. I let our kids get dressed up if they wanted to and encouraged them to invite the trick or treaters to come and take something. Gradually, my kids started making homemade decorations too. One year, they made a skull out of Lego. Another year, they wanted to try carving a pumpkin.

This week I listened to a podcast from Faith in Kids and was inspired by the example of some Christian families who make little gift bags to give out to the kids of their neighbourhood, sometimes including a Bible verse or a Christian Halloween story or tract (you can find some here and here).

No fear!

In previous years, I have felt reluctant to actively participate in Halloween beyond buying a few bags of lollies. I didn’t like all the dark spiritual undertones and the themes of death, violence and fear that seemed so anti-Christian.

However, my approach has changed since reading an article by James Jordan (there’s also a video from SpeakLife that takes a similar approach). Jordan explains the Christian origins of Halloween or All Hallow’s Eve (the night before All Saints Day) like this:

‘The concept, as dramatised in Christian custom, is quite simple: On October 31, the demonic realm tries one last time to achieve victory, but is banished by the joy of the Kingdom. What is the means by which the demonic realm is vanquished? In a word: mockery. Satan’s great sin is pride. Thus, to drive Satan from us we ridicule him … because he has lost the battle with Jesus and he no longer has power over us …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Take your kids to funerals

At some points in history (and in some circles today), parents have considered it inappropriate for children to attend funerals, even for their close family members. Perhaps parents want to shield their children from the harsh reality of death; perhaps they worry that their children’s behaviour will distract the other mourners. But on balance, I believe that there are far more reasons in favour of bringing the kids along when we attend a funeral. Our kids have now been to five funerals in as many years.

Better a house of mourning

The writer of Ecclesiastes observed:

‘It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.’ (Ecclesiastes 7:2)

Attending a funeral forces us and our children to confront our human mortality. While that is a frightening thing, our children will not be doing it alone, but with us right by their side. Going to a funeral will be part of an ongoing conversation between us and our children about death. It’s certainly an uncomfortable topic, but avoiding it will only leave our children unprepared for real life. Children should feel free to ask their questions, and we should do our best to answer them in an honest, but age-appropriate way, balancing realism with hope.

Funerals are certainly confronting. The deceased person’s coffin is often right there up the front—usually closed, with flowers and photos sitting on top of it—until the end of the service, when it is carried away for cremation or burial.

Putting flesh on the gospel

As Christians, we have the advantage of knowing (at least to some extent) what happens when a person dies. We know that in death, a person’s spirit leaves their body; but we also know that God will put that person back together at the resurrection. As Christians, we ‘do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope’ (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

A funeral, especially a Christian one, is a wonderful opportunity to teach our children the gospel in a very tangible way. Jesus was a real flesh-and-blood person, who chose to die for us. He did this to save us from the just condemnation of God for our sins. And Jesus really rose up from the grave, showing that he has defeated sin and death forever. Everyone who puts their life in God’s hands will rise again like Jesus one day.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

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