Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: Grief

Will my pet be in heaven?

A previous Growing Faith article looked at the value of having pets as part of our family. But the inevitable downside of loving pets is the heartbreak of losing them. When this happens, our children may wonder, ‘Will my pet be in heaven?’. Here are some things to keep in mind as we answer.

The question behind the question

To begin with, it’s helpful to consider that our children may not be looking for a detailed theological answer to this question. It may simply be an expression of how much they miss their pet and wish they could see them again.

Before jumping to a theological answer, it’s always good to stop and acknowledge our child’s feelings. We can say something like, ‘I know you really miss Daisy. I do too. The hard part of loving someone is having to say goodbye to them. It’s normal to feel sad when someone you care about dies.’

Explaining heaven

When we do go on to explain heaven, it’s important not to speculate beyond what the Bible says. Unfortunately, heaven is one of those topics where we often desire more detail and certainty than the Bible provides. Perhaps that’s why there are so many commonly held ideas about heaven that are derived more from popular culture or classical art than from the Bible.

In the Bible, ‘the heavens’ can simply refer to the skies above us, but it also refers to the place where God dwells. God’s Old Testament people were to pray: ‘Look down from heaven, your holy dwelling place, and bless your people Israel’ (Deuteronomy 26:15). Jesus also taught us to pray to ‘Our father in heaven’ (Matthew 6:9). I like to explain this to my children as being not just ‘above’ the earth, but also ‘behind’ what we can see with our eyes. Heaven is in another, spiritual dimension that is currently invisible to us.

We can explain to our children that people who trust in Jesus will go to be with him when they die (Philippians 1:23). But a day is coming when Jesus will return, those who have died will rise again, and all people will be judged (1 Thessalonians 4:16–18). Peter explains further:

‘That day will bring about the destruction of the heavens by fire, and the elements will melt in the heat. But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.’ (2 Peter 3:12–13)

We can comfort our children with the famous words of Revelation 21:

‘Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth”, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling-place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”’ (Revelation 21:1–4)

We can reassure our children that, although we don’t know exactly what the ‘new heaven and new earth’ will be like, we won’t experience grief or sadness as we do now. Revelation describes heaven as full of people worshipping God, the one who sits on the throne in the heavenly city. When we get to heaven, we will be fully satisfied with the joy of seeing and worshipping our Lord.

Will animals be in heaven?

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Today is a good day to talk about death

It’s impossible to avoid the topic of death in a Christian family. I mean, the very symbol of our faith is a Roman instrument of execution. The gospel we proclaim begins with ‘Jesus died for our sins’ (see 1 Corinthians 15:3–8), which is what we remember today on Good Friday.

Of course, the Easter story has a happy ending: we can’t explain Jesus’ death without celebrating the victory and hope of his resurrection. But Good Friday is the perfect opportunity for us and our children to sit with the real sadness of death, without rushing to ‘cheer up’ the conversation. Easter Sunday is still two days away.

Death is a fact of life

Secular bereavement counsellors Mal and Dianne McKissock give this advice:

Parents should ideally teach their children about death as they teach them language and facts about the natural world of which we are all part. They can be shown dead or dying plants, insects, birds and animals … We can help them to become familiar with the word ‘dead’, not euphemisms, and to develop a sense of reverence for all life and respect for what has died.

They warn that phrases like ‘lost’ ‘asleep’ or ‘passed away’ will be interpreted literally and cause confusion. If we call death ‘sleep’, children may also become anxious about closing their own eyes at bedtime.  Children’s questions about death should always be welcomed and answered using simple, age-appropriate language.

The McKissocks explain that children will learn how to deal with death from watching the behaviour of their parents and other adults. But they will also express grief in their own ways. Some children cry privately because they are embarrassed; others will hold onto their feelings, but may overreact to a minor event later on; others will act up or seek attention; still others don’t appear to be sad at all. All of these responses to death are normal for children.

Keep it simple …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Take your kids to funerals

At some points in history (and in some circles today), parents have considered it inappropriate for children to attend funerals, even for their close family members. Perhaps parents want to shield their children from the harsh reality of death; perhaps they worry that their children’s behaviour will distract the other mourners. But on balance, I believe that there are far more reasons in favour of bringing the kids along when we attend a funeral. Our kids have now been to five funerals in as many years.

Better a house of mourning

The writer of Ecclesiastes observed:

‘It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.’ (Ecclesiastes 7:2)

Attending a funeral forces us and our children to confront our human mortality. While that is a frightening thing, our children will not be doing it alone, but with us right by their side. Going to a funeral will be part of an ongoing conversation between us and our children about death. It’s certainly an uncomfortable topic, but avoiding it will only leave our children unprepared for real life. Children should feel free to ask their questions, and we should do our best to answer them in an honest, but age-appropriate way, balancing realism with hope.

Funerals are certainly confronting. The deceased person’s coffin is often right there up the front—usually closed, with flowers and photos sitting on top of it—until the end of the service, when it is carried away for cremation or burial.

Putting flesh on the gospel

As Christians, we have the advantage of knowing (at least to some extent) what happens when a person dies. We know that in death, a person’s spirit leaves their body; but we also know that God will put that person back together at the resurrection. As Christians, we ‘do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope’ (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

A funeral, especially a Christian one, is a wonderful opportunity to teach our children the gospel in a very tangible way. Jesus was a real flesh-and-blood person, who chose to die for us. He did this to save us from the just condemnation of God for our sins. And Jesus really rose up from the grave, showing that he has defeated sin and death forever. Everyone who puts their life in God’s hands will rise again like Jesus one day.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén