gender dysphoria | Harriet Connor

We live in a time of great confusion about gender—what it means to be a man or woman, boy or girl. And sadly, an increasing number of children are getting caught up in the confusion. As Christian parents, we can look around and start to become anxious that our own children might suddenly begin to question their gender.

In the latest episode of our Timeless Parenting podcast, we spoke with Christian sexologist Patricia Weerakoon and her son, theologian Kamal Weerakoon to gain an understanding of this fraught topic. They began by laying the foundations, explaining how we got to this point in history, what ‘transgender ideology’ means and why it is growing in influence.

By contrast, Patricia and Kamal helped us to build up a biblical, Christian picture of gender that is grounded in God’s good creation of our male and female bodies, and yet free from restrictive gender stereotypes.

**Patricia and Kamal Weerakoon have also written a chapter on this topic in our new book, Parenting in God’s Family. Order your copy today!**

And what about the gender-confused kids?

In our conversation, Patricia and Kamal shared their wealth of expert knowledge about the complex network of factors that can lead children to experience distress relating to their gender, and the risks of a medicalised approach.

What can Christian parents do?

The right time to start helping your kids build a healthy gender identity is … now! Patricia and Kamal explained how Christian parents can pre-emptively subvert the messages of transgender ideology, even before their children come across them in the classroom, playground or on social media. We can help our children to develop a positive view of the male or female bodies that God has given them, and a positive view of the puberty they will experience. We can also provide our kids with a rich variety of role models from the Bible and real life to demonstrate that there is no ‘right’ way to be a boy or girl, man or woman.

Mum, dad … I think I’m trans

Many parents live in fear of hearing their child utter those words. But in our conversation, Patricia reassured us: ‘Don’t panic!’. She then proceeded to give parents (and other invested adults) some very practical steps they can take to work through this situation with their child in a constructive way, ‘leaning in’ with love.

If you haven’t listened to our podcast before, this episode is not to be missed. Take the time to get informed, encouraged and equipped to help your children develop a healthy gender identity, starting now. We also recommend reading Patricia’s books, such as Talking Sex by the Book, which guides parents in talking to their children about this topic, especially those who may be confused about gender.

Patricia and Kamal Weerakoon have also written a chapter on this topic in our new book, Parenting in God’s Family:

Parenting in God’s Family

‘Parenting in God’s Family’ contains reflections and advice by 16 authors from many different walks and stages of life, all seeking to encourage and equip parents with biblical wisdom and practical tips. It covers topics as diverse as sibling relationships, schooling choices and single parenting, as well as discipline, doubts and digital boundaries. Read more

—

Timeless Parenting is brought to you by Growing Faith, a ministry of Youthworks Media, and Mothers Union Sydney. If you want to get in touch with us to offer some feedback or suggest a topic, you can write to us at: timelessparenting@youthworks.net

You can also find our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and other platforms.

… about the proposed ‘conversion therapy’ legislation in NSW.

In November, the NSW State Parliament is set to consider two bills prohibiting ‘change or suppression’ practices relating to sexual orientation and gender identity.

The precise wording of the bill to be proposed by the NSW Government has not been made public. However, a Consultation Paper was recently released by a working group from the Department of Communities and Justice and the Department of Health. Contrary to the pre-election commitments made by the NSW Labor Party, this proposal is largely based on the ‘change or suppression’ legislation that is already in force in the state of Victoria.

As a Christian mother, I find the proposed legislation deeply concerning. It undermines my right to talk about the Christian view of sex and gender with my own children. It sees the Christian sexual ethics I want to pass on to them as inherently ‘harmful’, rather than something that is good and life-giving.

That’s why I am going to write to my local MP this week.

What’s the problem in Victoria?

The Victorian laws, which have been helpfully summarised by Freedom for Faith, go far beyond banning coercive and genuinely harmful ‘gay conversion’ practices. They consider anything that is not full, unqualified, immediate support for a person’s sexual desires to be ‘suppression’ of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The context doesn’t matter. The proposed legislation would apply to conversations between family members, children and parents and married couples. Praying a prayer where we ask God to help someone manage their sexual desires would be a criminal offence.

Alarmingly, the Victorian legislation applies even if a person consents to this kind of conversation or prayer. The Victorian legislation also treats sexual orientation and gender identity the same way, even though they are two very different issues.

Basically, in Victoria, it is now illegal to encourage anyone to exercise self-control over their sexual urges. Such encouragement, in any form, is considered to cause ‘serious and ongoing harm’.

How does this affect parents and children?

If a Victorian child expresses a feeling of gender incongruence—discomfort with the male or female body they were born with—then the only legal response from parents and clinicians is one of unquestioning affirmation of their chosen gender identity.

Victorian parents are therefore understandably frightened that if they question their child’s sudden claim to be ‘trans’, that child might be removed from their care. Some Victorian clinicians are refusing to treat children with gender dysphoria because they are frightened about falling foul of the law if they take a wholistic approach, such as ‘watchful waiting’ (see below).

And just to close up any loopholes, it also illegal to take a Victorian child out of the state to receive any treatment that is not fully ‘affirming’ of the child’s chosen gender identity.

Why is ‘affirmation only’ problematic?

To gain a more detailed understanding of gender dysphoria, I recommend the book The Gender Revolution: a Biblical, Biological and Compassionate Response by Patricia Weerakoon with Robert Smith and Kamal Weerakoon.

Victoria’s ‘affirmation only’ approach to gender dysphoria is not supported by science. Firstly, study after study has shown that when parents and clinicians practise an approach of ‘watchful waiting’—that is, supporting a child without encouraging transition—around 85% of children grow out of their gender dysphoria by the time they are adults. Many of them end up identifying as homosexual.

However, if children are ‘affirmed’ in their gender dysphoria—if they are encouraged to change their name, pronouns and appearance—then almost 100% of them will proceed down a medicalised pathway towards puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and potentially even surgery (The Gender Revolution, Chapter 6, Location 1674–83). This sets children up for a lifetime of dependence on experimental medical interventions and the consequent health risks (many of which are still unknown).

The ‘affirmation’ pathway is not harmless …

Keep reading this article (and my letter to my local MP) over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: gender dysphoria

Don’t panic! Here’s how to navigate gender confusion