At some points in history (and in some circles today), parents have considered it inappropriate for children to attend funerals, even for their close family members. Perhaps parents want to shield their children from the harsh reality of death; perhaps they worry that their children’s behaviour will distract the other mourners. But on balance, I believe that there are far more reasons in favour of bringing the kids along when we attend a funeral. Our kids have now been to five funerals in as many years.

Better a house of mourning

The writer of Ecclesiastes observed:

‘It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.’ (Ecclesiastes 7:2)

Attending a funeral forces us and our children to confront our human mortality. While that is a frightening thing, our children will not be doing it alone, but with us right by their side. Going to a funeral will be part of an ongoing conversation between us and our children about death. It’s certainly an uncomfortable topic, but avoiding it will only leave our children unprepared for real life. Children should feel free to ask their questions, and we should do our best to answer them in an honest, but age-appropriate way, balancing realism with hope.

Funerals are certainly confronting. The deceased person’s coffin is often right there up the front—usually closed, with flowers and photos sitting on top of it—until the end of the service, when it is carried away for cremation or burial.

Putting flesh on the gospel

As Christians, we have the advantage of knowing (at least to some extent) what happens when a person dies. We know that in death, a person’s spirit leaves their body; but we also know that God will put that person back together at the resurrection. As Christians, we ‘do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope’ (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

A funeral, especially a Christian one, is a wonderful opportunity to teach our children the gospel in a very tangible way. Jesus was a real flesh-and-blood person, who chose to die for us. He did this to save us from the just condemnation of God for our sins. And Jesus really rose up from the grave, showing that he has defeated sin and death forever. Everyone who puts their life in God’s hands will rise again like Jesus one day.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.