Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: church family

Christians have two families

Over the past 12 months, our little regional church has started growing—one person, one family at a time. One Sunday last year, a woman about my age came along by herself—she and her family had recently arrived in Australia from the Middle East, and she was curious about Christianity. Eventually her husband and children started coming to church too; then her husband’s parents began tagging along, even though they don’t speak any English.

By the time Christmas came around, my new friend wanted to be baptised. By Easter, it was her husband’s turn. And I know that for both of them, the thing that drew them towards Christianity—and ultimately to Christ—was experiencing our Christian community.

Now I have to admit: our church is very ordinary. We’re a motley group of all ages and stages; we’re not particularly good-looking or outwardly successful; we’re not all in ‘happy families’; we’re just plodding through the ups and downs of life together, with our eyes fixed on Jesus. So I asked our new friends why our ordinary little church community had made such an impact on them.

The first word they used was ‘open’: our church welcomed them in, without putting any hurdles in their way. There was no dress code, no shushing of noisy children, no judgement for those who are still working out their faith. My friend’s husband called it ‘love without conditions’. The next thing that stood out was the personal interest and care. When the recent Middle East conflict began to touch their home country, our church drew around them to listen and to pray.

A number of families, including ours, have invited these newcomers over for a meal (and they have more than returned the favour!). As they left our place, the wife was beaming from ear to ear. ‘Thank you. Really, thank you. We had such a feeling of family tonight’, she said.

Another person who joined our church for a time was a young single man whose work had brought him to our area—on the other side of the country from his family. I got to hear this young man’s story of faith one night as we were doing the washing up after a church dinner. He had become a Christian a few years earlier through a Christian housemate. Sadly, the young man’s work contract recently came to an end, and we had to farewell him. On his final Sunday, he thanked us for welcoming him into our community and being ‘a home away from home’.

All of these new people claim to have experienced God’s love through our church community and have used the language of ‘family’ to describe it. Indeed, we speak about the church being a family, because that’s how the New Testament describes it—as ‘the household of God’ (1 Timothy 3:15).

But what does that mean exactly? And how do our natural families fit into this picture? Is our church family a replacement for our natural family? Or is a church simply a gathering of natural families? Or is the church something different altogether?

Someone that I have learnt a lot from on these questions is British theologian Alastair Roberts. Coming up on Wednesday, June 17, Alastair will be in Sydney speaking about how the cross reshapes all of our relationships. This event run is being run by Cross Related (formerly Single Minded).

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Parenting when our days are numbered

Grief is weighing heavily on my local community at the moment. A few families have been visited by that most unwelcome and cold-hearted of intruders—death. It has been mercilessly tearing fathers and mothers away from their children far too soon.

A couple of weeks ago, a local dad had an out-of-the-blue medical episode and died quite suddenly, leaving a wife and four children behind. While our community was still coming to terms with that loss, the news came in that another local parent, whose kids are still in primary school, had been transferred to a palliative care unit.

Beyond that, the global Christian community is still reeling from the very public death of American conservative activist and father-of-two Charlie Kirk.

All of those families are facing the unthinkable: the fact that one day we will die and leave our children behind. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare.

We may have many more years with our children, or we may have fewer than we expect. We may have a slow departure, with time to say goodbye or we may pass away quite unexpectedly. But the fact remains: no parent lives forever. And the past few weeks have taught us that we never know how soon—or how suddenly—our time on earth might be up.

So how might we raise our children today in the light of our mortality?

 Lord, you have been our dwelling-place
throughout all generations.
Before the mountains were born
or you brought forth the whole world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

You turn people back to dust,
saying, ‘Return to dust, you mortals’.
A thousand years in your sight
are like a day that has just gone by,
or like a watch in the night.
Yet you sweep people away in the sleep of death—
they are like the new grass of the morning:
In the morning it springs up new,
but by evening it is dry and withered …

Teach us to number our days,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom. (Psalm 90:1–6, 12)

Entrust our kids to God … starting now

Parenthood is one long exercise of faith. From the moment we see those two lines on a pregnancy test, we realise how much is out of our control—from our children’s safe delivery to their health, to their developmental milestones, to their friendships, school life and mental health … there are many times when we’re just anxiously, helplessly praying our way through the day. We can research and investigate, we can make plans and appointments, but ultimately, at least half of parenting is learning to wait and watch in faith.

Facing up to our mortality reminds us that we always need to hand our children over to God. They were never really ours to begin with. God gives us children to birth and care for during the short span of our life on earth, but he is their true Creator and sustainer. God is good and, unlike us, God is in control. So, like Abraham did with Isaac, we need to offer our children up into God’s loving arms—today and every day.

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