Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Tag: Church

When children wander from the faith

As Christian parents we have to live with an uncomfortable tension. Our parenting matters—indeed God instructs us to raise our children in the Christian faith—but ultimately, it is only God who can give saving faith to our children.

We long for our children to grow up knowing, loving and following Jesus, just as we do. We do all that we can to pass on our Christian faith through our example, our teaching and our family routines and priorities. This is what we explored in the last episode of Timeless Parenting: how we can equip our children to stand firm in the Christian faith, especially in an increasingly hostile world.

But in this follow-up episode, we discuss the confronting reality that, despite our best efforts, not all of the children of Christian parents choose to keep following Jesus. This is a great test of our own faith—will we keep trusting God, even if our children wander away from him?

In this conversation, we are joined by guests Kat Ashton Israel and Al James as we explore:

  • Why do Christians feel uncomfortable discussing this topic?
  • How does it impact parents (and their faith) when a child ‘wanders’ from God?
  • If we can’t guarantee our children’s faith, what is our role?
  • How can we respond helpfully to our children’s questions and doubts about Christianity?
  • How can parents respond when a child walks away from church and Christianity?
  • How can our churches better support families with children who have ‘wandered’?

This episode offers real stories and helpful insights, as well as empathy and encouragement for parents and churches who are experiencing the heartache of seeing young people walk away from faith.

For more on this topic, you can read Kat Ashton Israel’s chapter ‘Teenage faith: doubters, drifters and deserters’ in Parenting in God’s Family.

You can also find our podcast on SpotifyApple Podcasts and other platforms.

If you want to get in touch with us to offer some feedback or suggest a topic, you can write to us at: timelessparenting@youthworks.net

Timeless Parenting is brought to you by Growing Faith, a ministry of Youthworks Media, and Mothers Union Sydney.

What is Christian parenting?

The following is an excerpt from Chapter 1 of our new book, Parenting in God’s Family.

When our first son was about six weeks old, I joined a ‘mother and baby’ group run by our local health service. After the formal education sessions ended, our group continued to meet until our babies were about two years old. That group was a great support to me. It was such a relief to meet some other new mothers and realise that most of my questions, concerns and struggles were perfectly normal.

It felt like I had so much in common with those other mothers—we seemed to have similar desires, hopes and worries for our children, and similar expectations and disappointments about motherhood. As time went on, I started to wonder what difference it made that I was a Christian. Was my approach to raising children any different to that of the other parents around me?

In my case, Christian parenting was a completely foreign territory. I grew up in a non-Christian family and came to Christ independently in late primary school. I had never seen or experienced ‘Christian parenting’ until I was trying to do it myself!

Our first son is now a teenager and has been joined by three younger brothers. For most of that time, I’ve been trying to work out what Christian parenting looks like by reading and reflecting on the Bible, getting to know our children, talking with my husband and connecting with other Christian parents. Like any new area of knowledge or skill, I think you only really get better at parenting as you practise and refine your approach over time. Christian parenting is not a set of detailed rules or instructions; it’s more like a set of principles that need to be applied with wisdom at each new stage of your child’s development.

If were to summarise it, I would say:

Christian parenting means receiving children as gifts from God, reflecting his fatherly love to them and taking responsibility for their apprenticeship in life and faith. At the same time, Christian parenting means acknowledging our human limitations and introducing our children to their perfect heavenly Father and his spiritual family.

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Introducing the Timeless Parenting podcast!

Have you ever wondered whether parenting has been getting harder with each new generation? Have you ever sat down with a grandmother, an aunty or an older mum and talked about what parenting was like when their children were young?

Of course, some aspects of parenting are always going to be hard—sleepless nights with a newborn, toddler tantrums, teenage questioning—but there are some challenges facing parents today that are completely new.

One of the biggest challenges for modern parents is the rise of technology—the screens which seem to demand our and our children’s attention 24 hours a day. We’re raising our children in a world that’s very different even from the one we ourselves grew up in! As parents, it can be very hard to guide our children through technology issues that we barely understand ourselves.

Because the internet has given us access to unlimited information, it has also made parenting more confusing. In the past, parents simply did more or less what their parents and grandparents had done before them. Parents weren’t exposed to thousands of different (and often conflicting) ideas about raising children. They didn’t feel the need to choose from a huge catalogue of trending parenting styles. In our age of information, parenting certainly has become more complicated!

Have you ever wished … ?

Have you ever wished that there was a way of sifting through the passing fads—the modern parenting advice that seems to change from year to year—to find some timeless wisdom underneath, something solid enough to build your family life on?

Have you ever wanted to explore God’s word, the Bible, to find some foundational truths and guiding principles for navigating life as a modern parent?

Have you ever longed to sit down with an older Christian mum or dad to hear the wisdom and perspective they’ve gained from years of life and parenting?

I have, many times—and with many tears. And that’s why I am so excited to be announcing the launch of our brand new podcast: Timeless Parenting, a collaboration between Growing Faith and Mothers’ Union Sydney.

Timeless Parenting is where we have real conversations across the generations exploring God’s wisdom for modern families.

The podcast is hosted by me, Harriet Connor, mum of four and Content Editor of Growing Faith and Ann Cunningham, mum to three young adults and parent educator with Mothers’ Union Sydney. We’ll be joined by a range of guests across the generations, who will share their godly wisdom on topical parenting issues. We’ll be releasing a new, 45-minute episode around the middle of every month.

In our first episode, we had a deeply encouraging conversation with Christine Jensen [pictured with us above], who blessed us with her godly perspective gained from decades and decades of raising her own family and encouraging others through her work with Mothers’ Union Sydney.

In our conversation, we considered the question, ‘Has parenting become harder?’. And then we talked about how knowing God, our heavenly Father, and belonging to his family offers just what modern parents so desperately need.

In this first episode, you’ll also find out who we are and why we’ve got together to start the Timeless Parenting podcast!

Listen to it, be encouraged and share it with your friends!

If you want to get in touch with us to offer some feedback or suggest a topic, you can write to us at: timelessparenting@youthworks.net

Timeless Parenting is brought to you by Growing Faith, a ministry of Youthworks Media, and Mothers’ Union Sydney.

The problem with nuclear families

What do you think of when you hear the word ‘family’? If someone asked you, ‘Do you have a family?’, how would you answer?

In our modern Christian culture, we tend to assume that ‘family’ means the nuclear family: mum, dad and their young children, living together. Often this vision of family is presented as the ‘Christian’ or ‘biblical’ family.

Recently, I heard Rev Dr Danielle Treweek explain that this ‘nuclear’ vision of family is actually a modern invention. She quoted this description:

‘In today’s world, the phrase nuclear family conjures up an image of a domestic unit comprising two parents and their children who live together in a single-family residence and who share a deep affective intimacy with one another … Under these conditions, the modern nuclear family is an institution that is characterized above all by privacy.’1

But this is very different to how families looked and worked in Bible times and throughout most of human history. Dani Treweek explained that the phrase ‘nuclear family’ was never meant to refer to something private or separate from the rest of society. It is only the nucleus that sits within a broader network of social relationships—the whole atom! Slowly, we have taken the nucleus out of the atom.

However, when we expect small family units to be private and self-sufficient, it actually weakens both families and the wider society. The modern nuclear model of family isn’t actually working very well. Here’s why.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

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