Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

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Review of ‘Big Picture Parents’ in Themelios Journal

“Where many books in this field focus (exclusively) on parenting practicalities, this volume does the more difficult and more needed work of helping parents think theologically about their roles in the home … What sets Connor’s work apart as one of lasting value is her lucid articulation of the metanarrative of Scripture and her insistence that both parents and children will find their true purpose as they come to see themselves within this story.”

Read the full review from Themelios Vol 44 Issue 2 by Dillon T. Thornton here.

Mums, Let’s Be Collaborators, Not Competitors!

As a mum, I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeing other mothers as competitors. When we meet another mum, we immediately start making comparisons; we want to know how we “rank” against her in different areas: our parenting, our appearance, our children, our cooking, our job etc.

If we think we’re doing better than that other mum—if we rank higher on the scale—we congratulate ourselves and feel proud. If we think we’re doing worse than her, we feel guilty, inadequate, and envious.

Why do we judge other mums like this? And how can we move from competition to collaboration?

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Strong Churches Depend on Strong Families

“Christian families should be strong at the core but flexible around the edges. Strong relationships within the family—between husband and wife, parents and children, older and younger generations—enable a family to extend their loving community to include outsiders.

Our churches will become stronger not by denouncing love for family as “idolatrous,” but by calling on families to open themselves up to gospel priorities.”

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Breaking the Taboo: How to Give Good Parenting Advice

We’ve all been on the receiving end of unwanted parenting advice—when a casual comment lands like a brick on your already tender conscience. But what happens when you’re on the other side—when you see someone you care about making parenting decisions you think they’ll come to regret?

In a recent article, Jon Thorpe observed that parenting has become a taboo topic in our churches. We are so afraid of offending or hurting other people that we resort to a polite silence.

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Tips for Staying Sane in the Age of Information Overload

Modern parents are pioneers, bravely going where no parents have ever gone before: the land of the internet experts. We live in a swirling sea of information and advice—it’s like there’s a little parenting expert sitting on our shoulder all day, commenting on our every move. We suffer from a bad case of information overload.

In previous generations, parents simply did their best with the limited information they had. There were only one or two parenting books to consult; parents worked the rest out themselves through observation and experience.

Raising children in the age of information is a completely different experience. Of course, it’s great to be able to Google “What rash is that?” or “Which car seat is safe for four-year-olds?” at any time of the day or night. But having access to unlimited information can actually make parenting harder.

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In Honour of My Grandmothers

This is a photo of me with my Grandmothers at the launch of my book “Big Picture Parents” in 2017. I dedicated the book to them for inspiring me both as a mother and as a writer. Sadly, we had to say goodbye to Granny Amy last week (she’s on the right of the photo).

Amy Gladys McGrath was a prodigious writer – of poetry, plays, musicals, historical fiction and non-fiction. (You can now find some of her poems on my website here.) My parents gave me the middle name of Amy, never knowing what that “seed” might produce in me.

I have written two poems in honour of my beloved Grandmothers.

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“For the Love of Discipline: When the Gospel Meets Tantrums and Time-Outs”

Sara Wallace is a home-schooling mother of five boys. So it was with respect and admiration that I sat down to read her book, For the Love of Discipline: When the Gospel Meets Tantrums and Time-Outs.

Wallace writes in an honest, personal style. She says: ‘I didn’t write this book because discipline comes naturally to me, or because my kids are models of obedience. I wrote it because my kid pushed your kid into the pool at swim lessons. I wrote it because last week I had to leave the grocery store early when my kids were wrestling in the aisles. And I wrote it because discipline seems exhausting and discouraging only when we leave out the most important ingredient: the gospel’ (p.7).

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Helping Kids Look Beyond the “Kingdom of You” in Work, Marriage and Church

In a recent article, I described how modern parenting has been influenced by the prevailing culture of expressive individualism. Many parents enthrone their children in a “Kingdom of You,” where the purpose of life is to “follow your heart” and “be true to yourself,” no matter what anyone else says.

But the “Kingdom of You” is actually a miserable, suspicious and lonely place to grow up. Expressive individualism—where life revolves around you and your fleeting feelings—offers no firm basis for meaning, morality or community. These things can only be found by looking outside of ourselves to see our place in the bigger picture.

The Bible invites us and our children to belong to a much better Kingdom: the Kingdom of God. We were made not just for self-expression, but to honour our King and Creator; to steward his creation and to reflect his loving character to others. God gave up his only Son to set us free from the tyranny of self-rule and to enable us to serve him wholeheartedly. It is only when we know God our true King, and submit ourselves to his wise and loving rule, that we find our life’s true purpose.

Here are three key areas where we can help our children to look beyond the “Kingdom of You” and find their place in God’s Kingdom.

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Every Home Is a School. Every Parent Is a Teacher.

In Australia, where I live, school has just gone back for another year. The memories of the Summer holidays are fading fast, and we’re busy stocking our children’s backpacks with empty folders and notebooks. By the end of the year, those folders and books—and with them our children—will come home full of learning.

As the term begins, I’ve been reflecting on the respective roles that parents and schools play in the education of our children.

In our modern era, we are in the habit of outsourcing our children’s education to others. We see learning as an impersonal transaction—we engage schools, tutors and programs to teach our children then send them home. Home has become a place purely for relaxation and recreation; a place to recover from all of the learning done elsewhere.

But the more I read the Bible, the more convinced I am that the one image that captures the role of a parent better than any other is that of the teacher. It is parents, not schools, who bear the primary responsibility for their children’s education. Every home is a school. Every parent is a teacher.

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Children Need a Better Story than “Kingdom of You”

“If we want our children to thrive in the modern world, let’s ground them in a better story. In a world that gives children no firm foundation for meaning, morality or community, let’s give them some solid ground to stand on. Let’s not imprison them in the miserable “Kingdom of You,” but help them to discover the joy and freedom of finding their place in the Kingdom of God.”

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