Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

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Erasing mothers is not progress

Everywhere you look, mothers are being erased.

In the name of inclusion and diversity:

  • Barnardos has cancelled its ‘Mother of the Year’ award
  • Volunteers from the Australian Breastfeeding Association have been investigated for their use of the word ‘mother’ on social media
  • The Labor Party has removed the word ‘mother’ from its policy documents

The reasoning goes: some families don’t have a mother and some mothers identify as ‘fathers’, so we should stop using sexed language for parents altogether. In the modern family, ‘mother’ and ‘father’ have been replaced by Parent 1 and (if you’re lucky) Parent 2.

Sadly, mothers are also being erased, not just from our speech, but from children’s lives. There have been some recent high-profile cases of men ‘creating’ children through surrogacy, with the intention of raising them without a mother. Depending on the arrangement, a baby can have–and lose–up to three different ‘mothers’: a genetic mother, a birth mother, and a social mother. And we are supposed to applaud.

I understand how normalising ‘diverse’ families can help the children of those families to feel less stigmatised, but deliberately removing mothers cannot possibly be called progress. This forced political correctness–telling children that mothers are optional and interchangeable–is a denial of biological reality and human need.

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Mum, who are those faces on the telegraph pole?

There’s no escaping the fact that an election is coming. This provides a great opportunity to talk with our kids about how our democracy works. Here’s how you could answer your kids’ questions.

Who is the government?

The ‘government’ is a group of ordinary people who have the responsibility of leading our country. They make laws to help us live together in peace and safety, and they help and provide for people in different ways.

In Australia there are three levels of government: the local government looks after local concerns, like garbage collection and playgrounds; the state government manages bigger things like schools and hospitals; and the federal government looks after things that affect the whole country, like protecting Australia and representing us to the rest of the world. It also looks after ‘welfare’, which means giving money and services to help people in need.

The Bible says that we should respect our governments because they are ‘God’s servant for your good’, with authority from him to reward good and punish evil (Romans 13:1-7).

Is the government rich?

In Australia, most of the money that the government has comes from collecting ‘tax’. That is when we give a bit of the money we earn to the government so that it can do its job. It is the federal government that collects most of our tax money and decides how to spend it.

The Bible encourages us to pay the taxes we owe to the government, because it is being used to serve us (Romans 13:6–7).

Can the government do whatever it likes?

No. In Australia, we have a ‘Parliament’—a place where representatives from every part of Australia come together to talk and make decisions. The government is only made up of the representatives from one party or ‘team’—the one which has the most number of people in the Parliament. There are a few different ‘teams’: the red team, the blue team, the green team … and some newer teams like the orange and yellow ones. Each team has different ideas about the best way to run our country, relate to other countries and help people in need.

In the Parliament, the representatives from different teams discuss and debate the laws that the government wants to make or change. A law can only be passed if most people in the Parliament agree to it.

What is an election?

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Loving your family is evangelism

I used to think of my university days as my ‘golden age’ of evangelism. I was soaking up great Bible teaching and meeting with other young Christians. I was all fired up to tell people about Jesus. And I did.

I was (perhaps stubbornly) opposed to ‘walk up’ evangelism, so I used to practise ‘sit down’ evangelism instead. I would sit down on a bench or on the train home from Uni and pray for opportunities to talk to friends and strangers. Every week I would have at least one conversation about the gospel; every few months I would find myself giving away another Bible.

When I became a mother twelve years ago, my world shrank considerably. My focus was now primarily on the people within our household. I wasn’t out and about crossing paths with strangers; I certainly wasn’t catching the train and handing out Bibles. It felt like I had stopped doing evangelism.

But as I’ve reflected more on the Bible’s teaching, I’ve realised that, actually, loving my family is not taking me away from evangelism. Loving my family is evangelism. Living in right relationship with the people in our household shows a watching world how good it is to live in right relationship with our Creator.

Jesus said: “Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matt 5:16) God sets his people apart to live his way so that others might be attracted to God and the gospel. Evangelism—convincing others to glorify their Creator through Christ—includes not just our words but also our deeds. And this starts in the home.

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Send them back to school with courage!

This year we’re facing a back-to-school season like no other. With tens of thousands of cases in NSW and around the country, it feels like we’re swimming in a sea of COVID-19.

And yet, school is set to resume as usual.

As parents it’s natural to feel anxious and worried about our children’s safety and to agonise over our decisions concerning their wellbeing. But this may just be the perfect opportunity for us to send them back to school with courage.

Face your fears

Perhaps the hardest thing about being parents this side of heaven is that we cannot keep our children safe 100% of the time. At some point, we have to send our children off into the big wide world, where we can no longer protect them. Sending our children into a school full of germs (COVID-19 or otherwise) is a fitting parable for what it’s like to raise children in a fallen world.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

God’s plan for your family is bigger than you think

In our age of information, it’s easy to get confused by the cacophony of conflicting ideas about family life that swirl around us. But thanks to a new resource I’ve published, you can take time this year to listen to the voice of God, who designed the human family in the first place. 

Families in God’s Plan is a digital resource featuring 12 Bible studies to help individuals, couples and small groups to understand the place and purpose of families in God’s world. As you read through God’s word, you might be surprised to learn just how big God’s plan for families is.

Bigger than nuclear

Did you know that the Bible doesn’t even have a word for ‘family’ in the modern, nuclear sense? Both old and new testaments see the family as something much bigger. Like an established tree, a family grows up from the trunk of previous generations; it branches out to include uncles, aunts, cousins and in-laws and it spreads out to welcome outsiders who come to live in its shade.

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Nativity Notes: Angels

Angels play a significant role in the Nativity story, but we don’t tend to talk much about them at other times. It’s natural for children to ask questions about them given the mystery and ‘magic’ that they inspire. It’s time to learn something new about these heavenly creatures, so we can give some helpful perspective when we answer these questions!

What are angels?

Angels are a large ‘host’ or army of heavenly beings created by God to worship him and serve humanity. Unlike God, they can only be in one place at one time (see Daniel 10:12–14). They include other kinds of heavenly beings, like the ‘cherubim’ or ‘living creatures’ who serve in God’s temple (see Ezekiel 10; Revelation 4) and the ‘seraphim’ in Isaiah’s vision of the temple (Isaiah 6). The Bible mentions an archangel, Michael, who leads an army of angels (see Daniel 10:13; Revelation 12:7–8). The only other angel whom the Bible names is Gabriel.

We can’t say with certainty, but God probably created the angels all at once, right at the beginning when he created the heavens. As God says to Job:

‘Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
    Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
    or who laid its cornerstone –
while the morning stars sang together
    and all the angels shouted for joy?’ (Job 38:4–7)

What do angels do?

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

How Psalm 139 Made Me a Mother (Not Just a Parent)

Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash

I grew up steeped in the value of gender equality. I can still remember a heated conversation around the coloring table at preschool—I was the kid arguing “There’s no such thing as girls’ colors and boys’ colors.” My all-girls high school had the unspoken motto of “Beat the boys.” We were encouraged to work hard and dream big; to become scientists, lawyers, and engineers. Our teachers rarely suggested traditionally female careers like teaching or nursing, and “the M word” (motherhood) was never mentioned.

Abigail Favale perfectly describes the kind of feminism I was raised in:

The classic feminist argument affirms sex role fluidity—a woman can do whatever a man can do. Thus, a different notion of woman’s essence is presupposed: namely, none. Instead, women and men become essentially interchangeable, essentially the same. Because a woman can do anything, she no longer is anything in particular.

As a result, I grew up very disconnected from my femaleness. Unlike other girls, I never wore pink. I never put on makeup. I never did my hair. Skirts, breasts, and menstrual periods were just minor inconveniences to be overcome in an effort to “beat the boys.”

Parenthood: Struggle for Equality

As a young adult, I thought that finding a compatible partner meant finding someone exactly like me—a man who shared not just the same values and beliefs, but the same interests and tastes, the same sense of humor and style of communication. I expected a partnership to involve two people working interchangeably toward their shared goals.

When I eventually got married and then pregnant, it was the first time I began to understand my female body as something intricately designed for a distinct purpose. And yet, once I had given birth to our first son, nursing seemed to be the only thing that distinguished my role from my husband’s. I had somehow come to parenthood with the idea that my husband’s and my relationship with our son would be more or less the same—our “parenting” would be equal and identical.

But things never seemed to work out that way. My husband’s approach to raising children was fundamentally different. At times, we had opposite beliefs about what our son needed from us. My husband thought he needed more independence, but I thought he needed more connection. He thought I was being too gentle, and I thought he was being too firm. Because of this, our family life felt like a struggle. Our innate tendencies were always pulling in different directions, making it hard to reach the elusive goal of “equality.”

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From Aardvark to Zebra: teaching kids to name animals

Have you ever wondered why so many baby books are all about animals? I hadn’t really thought about it until this year when I started dusting off our old books to read to our newest son. I had forgotten just how many of them consist solely of the names and pictures of animals, most of which our baby will only ever encounter if we visit a zoo or a farm.

I find myself naturally pointing out the animals around us too—‘birdy’, ‘doggie’, ‘pussy cat’. When our baby sees the animal I’m pointing to, his face spreads into a smile, and he starts babbling and flapping his arms in delight.

I wouldn’t be surprised if our baby’s first word is ‘da’ for Daisy, our green-eyed grey and white cat. After all, one of his older brothers’ first words was ‘bok’—that was back when we had a few chooks.

A deeply human activity

I’ve been thinking: naming animals is actually a deeply human thing to do. In Genesis chapter 1, it is God who does the naming: ‘day’, ‘night’, ‘sky’, ‘land’, ‘seas’. But by chapter 2, when it comes to the animals, God hands over to Adam:

Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. (Genesis 2:19–20)

Naming animals is part of our human mandate—to rule over God’s creation, working and taking care of it on God’s behalf. It’s no wonder that we instinctively teach our children to name animals from an early age!

Here are four more reasons why this everyday activity might be more important than you think.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Introducing my forthcoming book: ‘Families in God’s Plan’

Last week I submitted a manuscript for a new book! Families in God’s Plan: 12 Foundational Bible Studies is due for release with Growing Faith (an imprint of Youthworks Media) in time for the start of 2022.

(I should have dedicated the book to my noise-cancelling headphones—I couldn’t have done it without them!)

These studies will help individuals, couples and small groups to see how families fit into God’s plans for the world, from Creation right through to the New Creation. Knowing ‘where we are’ in God’s timeline helps us to understand his purposes for our family.

The studies are for all kinds of people—after all, we all belong to a family—but they will be especially relevant to those who are raising children.

Each study covers two or more Bible passages for you to read and explore, a short reflection from me, some questions to help you apply what you’ve read and a final psalm to prompt your prayers. Each study also includes a ‘Parents’ Talking Point’: a suggested topic for husbands and wives to sit down and discuss together.

I really enjoyed working on this project! The studies bring together many of the things I have learnt about family life since the publication of my first book. They are guaranteed to get you thinking about families in a new light.

At this stage, the plan is for Families in God’s Plan to be a digital resource. You will buy an individual/couple or group licence to download and print a PDF. However, if there is enough interest, Youthworks Media will consider publishing a hardcopy version.

Can you please let me know: would you prefer a digital or hardcopy version of Families in God’s Plan? How many copies would you buy? This will help my publisher to plan the book’s release. Thank you!

Real hope for the perfectly imperfect

In recent articles at Growing Faith, we’ve explored the reality of family life in a fallen world: our families are imperfect, so we need to keep on receiving and showing forgiveness; as parents, we fall short of ‘best practice’, so we’re utterly dependent on God’s grace.

Recent history—with its fires, floods and extended pandemics—has also made it painfully clear that the world our kids are growing up in is imperfect too—we cannot offer them a childhood free from disappointment and suffering.

For modern parents, who tend towards perfectionism, raising children in a fallen world can become excruciating, because nothing ever measures up to our expectations. We can become paralysed by disappointment, guilt, anxiety and fear for our children.

But as Christian parents, we are uniquely equipped for parenting this side of heaven. The Bible explains why we can’t expect perfection of ourselves, our children or the world: because we are living outside of Eden. The Bible also gives us real hope for the future: one day, we and our children (God willing) will live in a new and perfect world, where nothing will ever make us disappointed, guilty, anxious or afraid again.

Knowing our place in the Bible’s timeline can help us to avoid the trap of perfectionism, which is damaging for parents and children alike. For now, what our kids really need are ‘good enough’ parents. Here’s why.

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

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