Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Page 2 of 13

How can we do church well, even when it’s hard?

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On 25/06/2024

In Recordings

Introducing ‘Timeless Parenting’ Episode 2.

For Christian parents, getting to church each week is an important part of our faith. It strengthens our relationship with God as we hear his word, it points us back to our Saviour Jesus, it allows us to express our love for God through prayer and song, and it unites us with fellow believers.

But what about our kids? How do the kids in your house respond when you say ‘Come on everyone, it’s time for church!’? If your family is anything like mine, it’s not always with unbridled joy.

Sometimes it feels like our children are involuntary conscripts in our participation in church. Taking them to church with us can be really, really hard work. For example (I may or may not be speaking from personal experience!):
•    when your toddler crawls underneath people’s legs (and skirts!) towards the front while you’re stuck up the back breastfeeding
•    when your baby spits up all over your shirt—and you didn’t think to pack a change of clothes for you
•    when your preschooler gets the chance to speak into the microphone and decides simply to smile and say ‘butt’—on the day when the Bishop is visiting
•    when your older son throws a paper plane—and it lands among the votive candles and catches on fire
•    when your children simply don’t want to go to church.

The Bible is clear that, despite the potential challenges, our kids belong in church as much as we adults do. Children are not just the church of the future—they are part of the church of today. This has always been the case for God’s people. In the Old Testament, children were expressly included in the regular festivals and in the public reading of God’s law. In the early Christian church, believers met in their homes for worship and shared meals, which naturally included their children. When Paul wrote to these churches, he specifically addressed both parents and children (Ephesians 6:1–4). Peter’s first sermon finished with the reassurance that ‘The promise [of forgiveness and the Holy Spirit] is for you and your children and all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call’ (Acts 2:39).

Spiritually speaking, our children are part of the church alongside us. But how can we help them to know and to feel that they belong? How can we persevere in bringing our children to church when it gets hard? And how can we respond when our younger children decide that they don’t want to come?

We spoke about all these things in the second episode of our new podcast, Timeless Parenting. This podcast, a collaboration between Growing Faith and Mothers Union Sydney, is where we have real conversations across the generations exploring God’s wisdom for modern families. In our second conversation, we spoke with Al James, father of four and Youth Ministry Advisor with Youthworks [pictured with us above].

Listen, be encouraged and share it with your friends!

You can also find our podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and other platforms.

Why I’m meeting with my federal MP

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On 24/05/2024

In Articles

…about proposed legislation affecting ‘religious’ schools.

When your phone rings and it’s the school’s number, you always pay attention. And when it’s the Principal on the other end of the line, you know it must be serious. When that happened to me last week, I braced myself for the worst.

But the serious issue that our Principal was calling me about was not concerning my children specifically. It was about something much broader that could affect every child in every Christian, church or ‘religious’ school across Australia.

The Principal of our children’s school was calling to invite me to join a small group of parents meeting with our federal Member of Parliament in a couple of weeks’ time to voice our views on some proposed changes to legislation concerning ‘religious educational institutions’. Knowing the profound significance of these proposed changes, I immediately agreed. Although I find the thought of speaking face-to-face with an MP extremely daunting, this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.

What are the proposed changes?

Under Australian law, ‘religious educational institutions’ are currently exempt from the Sex Discrimination Act (1984) (SDA), which prohibits individuals and organisations from discriminating against a person based on that person’s sex, marital or relationship status, pregnancy or, since 2013, their sexual orientation or gender identity.

These exemptions were put in place ‘in order to avoid injury to the religious susceptibilities of adherents of that religion or creed’.1 In 2013, when sexual orientation and gender identity were added to the list of protected attributes, there was bipartisan support for keeping the exemptions in order to ‘protect the right to freedom of thought, conscience, and religion or belief in respect of the new grounds of sexual orientation and gender identity’.

The current Federal Government has now committed to removing these exemptions to make it unlawful for religious educational institutions to ‘discriminate’ against students or staff based on their sex, marital or relationship status, pregnancy, sexual orientation or gender identity. At the same time, the Government wants to ensure that these institutions ‘can continue to build a community of faith by giving preference, in good faith, to persons of the same religion … in the selection of staff’.2

In some jurisdictions, such as Victoria, these kind of exemptions have already been removed, making it illegal in that state for a Christian school to fire—or refuse to employ—a person based on their sexual practice, gender identity or marital status. Queensland is proposing to prohibit a school from discriminating against an even wider group, including those doing ‘sex work activity’.

In order to bring Australian law into line with this, the Federal Government asked the Australian Law Reform Commission (ALRC) to investigate whether their commitments were consistent with international human rights law. The ALRC delivered its recommendations in December, which, if implemented, would write the Government’s commitments into law.

The ALRC report admits that in seeking to ‘maximise’ the right of some teachers to work in religious schools, its recommended reforms ‘may limit, for some people, the freedom to manifest religion or belief in community with others, and the parental liberty to “ensure the religious and moral education of their children in conformity with their own convictions”’.3

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Introducing the Timeless Parenting podcast!

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On 17/05/2024

In Articles, News, Recordings

Have you ever wondered whether parenting has been getting harder with each new generation? Have you ever sat down with a grandmother, an aunty or an older mum and talked about what parenting was like when their children were young?

Of course, some aspects of parenting are always going to be hard—sleepless nights with a newborn, toddler tantrums, teenage questioning—but there are some challenges facing parents today that are completely new.

One of the biggest challenges for modern parents is the rise of technology—the screens which seem to demand our and our children’s attention 24 hours a day. We’re raising our children in a world that’s very different even from the one we ourselves grew up in! As parents, it can be very hard to guide our children through technology issues that we barely understand ourselves.

Because the internet has given us access to unlimited information, it has also made parenting more confusing. In the past, parents simply did more or less what their parents and grandparents had done before them. Parents weren’t exposed to thousands of different (and often conflicting) ideas about raising children. They didn’t feel the need to choose from a huge catalogue of trending parenting styles. In our age of information, parenting certainly has become more complicated!

Have you ever wished … ?

Have you ever wished that there was a way of sifting through the passing fads—the modern parenting advice that seems to change from year to year—to find some timeless wisdom underneath, something solid enough to build your family life on?

Have you ever wanted to explore God’s word, the Bible, to find some foundational truths and guiding principles for navigating life as a modern parent?

Have you ever longed to sit down with an older Christian mum or dad to hear the wisdom and perspective they’ve gained from years of life and parenting?

I have, many times—and with many tears. And that’s why I am so excited to be announcing the launch of our brand new podcast: Timeless Parenting, a collaboration between Growing Faith and Mothers’ Union Sydney.

Timeless Parenting is where we have real conversations across the generations exploring God’s wisdom for modern families.

The podcast is hosted by me, Harriet Connor, mum of four and Content Editor of Growing Faith and Ann Cunningham, mum to three young adults and parent educator with Mothers’ Union Sydney. We’ll be joined by a range of guests across the generations, who will share their godly wisdom on topical parenting issues. We’ll be releasing a new, 45-minute episode around the middle of every month.

In our first episode, we had a deeply encouraging conversation with Christine Jensen [pictured with us above], who blessed us with her godly perspective gained from decades and decades of raising her own family and encouraging others through her work with Mothers’ Union Sydney.

In our conversation, we considered the question, ‘Has parenting become harder?’. And then we talked about how knowing God, our heavenly Father, and belonging to his family offers just what modern parents so desperately need.

In this first episode, you’ll also find out who we are and why we’ve got together to start the Timeless Parenting podcast!

Listen to it, be encouraged and share it with your friends!
—
If you want to get in touch with us to offer some feedback or suggest a topic, you can write to us at: timelessparenting@youthworks.net

Timeless Parenting is brought to you by Growing Faith, a ministry of Youthworks Media, and Mothers’ Union Sydney.

Mum/dad, why do we call it Good Friday?

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On 29/03/2024

In Articles

Good Friday is the day when Christians worldwide pause to remember the crucifixion of our Saviour Jesus. Traditionally it’s a day of mourning. So how did it start? And why do we call it ‘good’?

The history of the day

In the first three centuries of the Church, Jesus’ death and resurrection were remembered together in a shorter celebration of Easter. The early Christians held one all-night vigil in the lead up to a service of communion at dawn on the Sunday.

Gradually, Easter began to take the form that it does today, spread out over a whole week—’Holy Week’—from Palm Sunday through to Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then Easter Sunday. The idea of the week-long celebration is that Christians enter into the journey of Jesus, taking time to remember the various events of his final week.

The date of Easter changes because it is calculated in relationship to the cycles of the moon (following Passover, the Jewish festival during which Jesus died). Easter Day falls on the first Sunday after the full moon that follows March 20 (which used to be the date of the Equinox). So Good Friday always falls between March 20 and April 23. If your older children are interested in astronomy, they can read more about this complicated astronomical calculation.

Good Friday has always been a sombre day for Christians to reflect on the sacrificial death of their Lord. Most churches hold a reflective service, traditionally without the celebration of communion. The sombre mood is often expressed in churches being kept bare of any decorations and having music that is more subdued (in some traditions, without the organ).

The name of the day

In other cultures, the day is named differently. In German it is called ‘sorrowful’ Friday, and in Scandinavian languages (and Old English), ‘long Friday’, due to the length of traditional church services. In Romance languages, it is called ‘Holy Friday’ and in Greek it is called ‘the Holy and Great Friday’.

It is this final sense of the word that is carried by the English term ‘Good Friday’. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, ‘good’ in this context refers to ‘a day or season observed as holy by the church’.

So, the first thing we can tell our children is that the meaning of Good Friday is ‘Great’ or ‘Special’ Friday.

The goodness of the day

But there is more we can say. Since at least the late nineteenth century, Christian parents have been explaining to their children that Good Friday is good because that is the day when Jesus died to save us from our sins and give us eternal life. On that day, God turned humanity’s worst evil—executing the innocent Son of God—into our greatest good—salvation for all who believe in him.

This was possible because Jesus chose to go to the cross; he willingly took the penalty for our sins, enduring condemnation and separation from God so that we don’t have to. Yes, Jesus was killed. But he also ‘laid down his life’ for us. He said, ‘I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again’ (John 10:18). As we explain Jesus’ death to our children, we can reassure them that Jesus wasn’t just a powerless victim. We can remind them of what Jesus said to his disciples when they wanted to fight against his arrest:

‘Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?’ (Matthew 26:53–4)

This Easter, let’s tell our children that Good Friday is a sad day. It is right to mourn the suffering and death that Jesus faced. But it is also a good day, because it marks the day when Jesus set us free from our sins by his blood and opened up the gates of heaven to all who believe in him.

This article originally appeared at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

References

‘Who, What, Why: Why is Good Friday called Good Friday?’ BBC Magazine.

‘Good Friday’, Britannica.

‘Passiontide and Holy Week’, Church of England.

‘Calculate the Date of Easter Sunday’, Astronomical Society of South Australia.

What happened when … we started screen-free Sundays

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On 18/03/2024

In Articles

A few years ago, I read The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Place by Andy Crouch (Baker Book House, 2017). It’s a very challenging book, in that some of its recommendations are unrealistic for most modern families. But reading it convinced me that we needed to become more intentional about our family’s use of technology.

Crouch very helpfully foregrounds our God-given purpose as human beings: we’re made to create, rather than just consume; to share in deep, real-life relationships and to learn real-life skills for enjoying and mastering the world around us. When it comes to technology, we have to ask whether it is helping or hindering us from doing these things. Crouch describes how technology makes things ‘easy-everywhere’, which usually works against us growing in character and competence as God intended.

For example, when we can push a button and hear any piece of music we like, we have less motivation to learn how to sing or play that song ourselves. Or when we can enjoy ‘easy’ conversations with people like us online, we don’t learn how to engage with people who are different.

When I read Crouch’s book, I absorbed and applied what I could, but it was hard to get the other members of my family on board. However, about a month ago, my husband independently came across Crouch’s rule for ‘digital Sabbath-keeping’. Crouch recommends that families make this commitment:

‘We are designed for a rhythm of work and rest. So one hour a day, one day a week, and one week a year, we turn off our devices and worship, feast, play and rest together.’ (Tech-Wise Family, Introduction).

That day, my husband came up with a great idea: ‘screen-free Sundays’. But the big challenge? This was going to be for the adults as much as the kids! My husband and I would put our phones away for the day, and our kids wouldn’t have any screen time. Instead, we’d focus on doing things together as a family (beginning with going to church). So what happened when we started screen-free Sundays?

The day felt longer

The first ‘screen-free Sunday’ we had was a rainy day … and it went by very slowly. Compared to the rushing and racing that often happens on school days, it has been wonderful to feel so unhurried on Sundays. Without the constant distraction of my phone, my brain slows down to a more relaxed pace too.

We enjoyed simple pleasures

With hours of time to spend together, we can take turns choosing the activities. Since our children range in age from fourteen down to three, this means we regularly find ourselves playing simple games like hide-and-seek. When there are no ‘cooler’ or ‘flashier’ options, the older kids start enjoying whichever kind of low-tech fun is on offer. The big draw card is that we are all doing it together—even mum and dad. And we have a great time!

We got creative

We’re always on the lookout for ‘real life’ things to do on Sundays—activities where we’re creating, rather than consuming. So far we’ve played music, made up new games, cooked together, built cubby houses and worked in the garden.

We stepped back in time

When we go ‘analogue’ for a day, my husband and I find ourselves telling our kids what things were like when we were younger—when there were only four television channels and no streaming services, when you had to ask strangers for help (or use a phone box!) if you had a problem, when you had to drive with a street directory on your lap, when you had to remember everyone’s phone numbers off by heart …

I think having a taste of life ‘in the olden days’ has been a valuable experience.

I realised how much of a screen habit I had

Putting my phone away for the day has also made me realise how often I usually reach for it. Whether it’s a ‘quick check’ of Facebook or making sure I hadn’t missed an email, my mind had developed a habit of seeking connection to the ‘cyberworld’ outside my home—and ‘checking out’ of what was happening around me. Taking a day to resist that reflex helps me and my husband to make sure that we’re not ‘addicted’ to social media and other forms of communication. I’m now finding it much easier to resist the lure of the phone on other days too …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

What are Shrove Tuesday and Ash Wednesday about?

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On 13/02/2024

In Articles

Since the early days of Christianity, the Church has observed the season of Lent as a preparation for Easter. Traditionally, Easter was the time of year when new converts were baptised and when repentant sinners were re-admitted to fellowship and communion.

The Church of England website explains how this shaped the season:

‘As the candidates for baptism were instructed in Christian faith, and as penitents prepared themselves, through fasting and penance, to be readmitted to communion, the whole Christian community was invited to join them in the process of study and repentance, the extension of which over forty days would remind them of the forty days that Jesus spent in the wilderness, being tested by Satan.’

Counting back forty days from Easter (not including Sundays), means that Lent begins on a Wednesday. The day before this became known as Shrove Tuesday or Pancake Day.

Shrove Tuesday / Pancake Day

Originally the Tuesday before Lent was about ‘shriving’, that is, confessing your sins. But eventually it became a day of carnival or festival, because it was the final chance people had to ‘party’ before the serious season of Lent began. Many Catholic countries still hold large public carnivals at this time of year. Some of the most famous of these are held in Venice, Italy and Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

Since Lent traditionally meant fasting from luxuries like meat, eggs, sugar and butter (except on Sundays), the day before became a time to eat up all the ‘luxury’ foods in the house, sometimes in the form of pancakes. That led to the day being called Mardi Gras (French for ‘fat Tuesday’) or Pancake Day.

Ash Wednesday

Ashes are an ancient sign of repentance. For this reason, since the Middle Ages, Christians have observed the start of Lent by being marked in ash with the sign of the cross.

Many traditional churches still hold an Ash Wednesday service. Sometimes, the ash used for marking is made from burning the palm crosses from the previous year’s Palm Sunday service. Some common Scriptures to be read aloud are Psalm 51, a psalm of repentance, and Joel 2:12–18:

‘Even now,’ declares the Lord,
‘return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.’

Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the Lord your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity. (Joel 2:12–13)

When it comes time for the ‘imposition of ashes’, the minister says something like this (from a Church of England liturgy):

‘I invite you to receive these ashes
as a sign of the spirit of penitence with which we shall keep this season of Lent.
God our Father,
you create us from the dust of the earth:
grant that these ashes may be for us
a sign of our penitence
and a symbol of our mortality;
for it is by your grace alone
that we receive eternal life
in Jesus Christ our Saviour.
Amen.’

As the minister marks each person with a cross of ash on their forehead, s/he says:

‘Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.
Turn away from sin and be faithful to Christ.’

Personally, I have found attending our church’s Ash Wednesday service a very meaningful experience. It’s a rare opportunity to remember and express—in a very tangible way—my mortality before God, the One who gives life and forgiveness.

How might we mark these days?

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Nativity Notes: Did Mary give birth in a home?

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On 23/12/2023

In Articles, Uncategorized

As I think about the Christmas story as a mother, my heart always goes out to Mary—exhausted from a long, uncomfortable journey; having to give birth for the first time in a strange town, with no-one beside her except her tired and probably bewildered young husband … and some animals. According to the traditional Nativity play, the couple had knocked on the door of every inn in town, until finally, one inn-keeper took pity on them and let them stay in his stable out the back.

Mary (probably) felt nervous

I’m sure Mary would have been feeling nervous about the birth. She knew what the angel Gabriel had promised:

‘You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.’ (Luke 1:31–33)

And yet she also knew that giving birth had always been a dangerous affair, ever since God had told Eve:

‘I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labour you will give birth to children.’ (Genesis 3:16)

In fact, on the way to Bethlehem, Mary may well have passed by the tomb of Rachel, Jacob’s beloved wife, who had died after giving birth to their second son, Benjamin (Genesis 35:16–20).

Mary (probably) gave birth in a home

Although Mary was doubtless daunted at the prospect of giving birth, the birth may not have been as isolated and lonely as our Nativity plays and Christmas cards would have us believe.

You see, it all hangs on one Greek word in the phrase: ‘there was no place for them in the kataluma’ (Luke 2:7, ESV). This word can mean inn, a ‘guest house’. However, elsewhere in the Gospel of Luke (22:11), this word is translated as ‘guest room’.

Since Joseph and Mary were both from the line of David and all the members of that clan were travelling to Bethlehem for the Census, it is quite likely that they had relatives there to stay with.

Houses of that time typically had a ground floor living area, an upper room for guests and a lower floor or cave below ground for the family’s animals to sleep in. So, when Mary and Joseph arrived, there was no room in the guest room—it already had visitors in it—so they were given a place to stay downstairs with the family’s animals. In all likelihood, Mary gave birth in a house, albeit in the area where the animals slept (hence the ‘manger’ for baby Jesus to sleep in).

There’s a lovely children’s story by Andrew McDonough called Bethlehem Town, which tries to explain this all to children. This illustration shows what houses in that region looked like …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

To my child who didn’t get an award

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On 09/12/2023

In Articles

My treasured child,

I’m sorry that you missed out on getting an award at school this year. I can see that you’re really disappointed. It’s OK to feel sad—that just means that this was important to you. I’d love you to tell me more about how you’re feeling.

I know it’s hard to see your best friends going up on stage, or your siblings, and being the one still sitting down in the crowd. I am so proud of the way you clapped your friends and congratulated them. Being a good friend means celebrating their achievements and being proud of them. Try to put aside your feelings of envy and remember how hard your friends and classmates have worked to achieve those results. You never know how much they might have needed this encouragement right now. Many of them have had their own struggles to overcome.

You have been a great friend this year: you are caring, thoughtful, encouraging and fun. I know your friends really love being around you; you are always there to support each other. Being a good friend is one of the most important skills for life. But unfortunately, it is not one of the things that gets recognised on speech day. Here are some other things that won’t get you an award, but I believe are even more important than being the best at school:
–    helping out at home
–    looking after your little brother
–    trying your best at school
–    practising self-control
–    being kind, generous and forgiving
–    learning a new skill like cooking
–    practising your instrument
–    doing something creative
–    making people laugh
–    growing in your faith in God.

I am really proud of who you are, even if there’s no award for that at school. We know from the Bible that in God’s eyes, our character is more important than our awards and achievements.

‘The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7)

Only a few children get those top awards each year. Most children are like you—simply doing their best without being recognised up the front. In life, it’s really important to try hard and do the right thing, even if you don’t get any ‘reward’ for it. It’s also really important to develop a love for learning new things simply for the joy of it. It’s amazing to think of all the things you have learnt this year that you didn’t know last year. Let’s celebrate that!

I am so proud of the effort you have put into school this year. You have tried new things and challenged yourself. Nobody else knows what it took to keep persevering, even when it was hard.

If there is one area you would like to work on for next year, I will support you. We can help you to practise reading or maths, spelling, sport or music, if that’s a goal you want to set for yourself. But let’s aim for learning and self-confidence, not for rewards.

Even if you sit here again next year, clapping others but getting no awards for yourself, I will be proud of you. We all face disappointments in life, especially when we feel that our efforts aren’t being recognised. But what matters most is what we do with our disappointments. Let’s take a moment to feel sad, but then let’s get back up again together. Let’s take this chance to celebrate with your friends. And let’s take pride in what you have been learning and, most importantly, who you have been becoming this year.

From your loving and very proud mum.

This article originally appeared at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Talking with kids about horrific news

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On 25/11/2023

In Articles

Image by prostooleh on Freepik.

In recent weeks there have been some particularly horrific events reported in the international and local news, including violent conflict, crime and natural disasters. Even more distressing is the fact that these events have caused unimaginable suffering for children and young people.

We may not deliberately expose our own children to the news, but somehow or other, they seem to pick up on the major events occurring in their world. This can cause our children to become upset and start worrying that those things may happen to them or the people they love. They can be especially affected if the adults around them become distressed or they see confronting images or if the news coverage extends over several days.

In general, it’s best to limit the amount of news our children are exposed to. Children under seven shouldn’t be exposed to horrific images and headlines. With older children, we can watch the news with them or watch a news program that’s designed for children, such as Behind the News.

Children feel secure if they know that they can talk to us at any time about anything. When a horrific event comes up in the news, we should prepare ourselves for these important conversations by finding out the basic facts and taking time to process our own response so that we can be calm for our children.

Make time

If your child raises the topic of events in the news, stop and give them your full attention. If they don’t initiate a conversation, it’s up to us to make time to talk with them. Ideally, this will be a time when both we and our children are feeling calm.

Here are some ideas to guide your conversations.

Ask

It’s good to ask what your children already know or have heard about the events in the news. As you listen to your children, it may become clear that they have an incomplete or misguided understanding of what is happening. And what they imagine is happening may be far worse than the reality. If this is the case, we can take the opportunity to correct our children’s misconceptions.

Inform

It’s best to tell our children what is happening in simple, age-appropriate terms, rather than ignore the issue. We should take care to tell our children only what they need to know, avoiding any graphic details. If our children have questions, it’s important to answer them or, if we don’t know the answer, commit to finding out.

Most horrific events do not happen at random—they usually occur within a broader historical, geographical or relational context. So it’s helpful to try to explain the context to our children as best as we can. This helps to minimise their fear that the same thing might suddenly happen to them.

Reassure …

Keep reading over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

Why I am writing this letter to my local MP

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On 11/11/2023

In Articles

… about the proposed ‘conversion therapy’ legislation in NSW.

In November, the NSW State Parliament is set to consider two bills prohibiting ‘change or suppression’ practices relating to sexual orientation and gender identity.

The precise wording of the bill to be proposed by the NSW Government has not been made public. However, a Consultation Paper was recently released by a working group from the Department of Communities and Justice and the Department of Health. Contrary to the pre-election commitments made by the NSW Labor Party, this proposal is largely based on the ‘change or suppression’ legislation that is already in force in the state of Victoria.

As a Christian mother, I find the proposed legislation deeply concerning. It undermines my right to talk about the Christian view of sex and gender with my own children. It sees the Christian sexual ethics I want to pass on to them as inherently ‘harmful’, rather than something that is good and life-giving.

That’s why I am going to write to my local MP this week.

What’s the problem in Victoria?

The Victorian laws, which have been helpfully summarised by Freedom for Faith, go far beyond banning coercive and genuinely harmful ‘gay conversion’ practices. They consider anything that is not full, unqualified, immediate support for a person’s sexual desires to be ‘suppression’ of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The context doesn’t matter. The proposed legislation would apply to conversations between family members, children and parents and married couples. Praying a prayer where we ask God to help someone manage their sexual desires would be a criminal offence.

Alarmingly, the Victorian legislation applies even if a person consents to this kind of conversation or prayer. The Victorian legislation also treats sexual orientation and gender identity the same way, even though they are two very different issues.

Basically, in Victoria, it is now illegal to encourage anyone to exercise self-control over their sexual urges. Such encouragement, in any form, is considered to cause ‘serious and ongoing harm’.

How does this affect parents and children?

If a Victorian child expresses a feeling of gender incongruence—discomfort with the male or female body they were born with—then the only legal response from parents and clinicians is one of unquestioning affirmation of their chosen gender identity.

Victorian parents are therefore understandably frightened that if they question their child’s sudden claim to be ‘trans’, that child might be removed from their care. Some Victorian clinicians are refusing to treat children with gender dysphoria because they are frightened about falling foul of the law if they take a wholistic approach, such as ‘watchful waiting’ (see below).

And just to close up any loopholes, it also illegal to take a Victorian child out of the state to receive any treatment that is not fully ‘affirming’ of the child’s chosen gender identity.

Why is ‘affirmation only’ problematic?

To gain a more detailed understanding of gender dysphoria, I recommend the book The Gender Revolution: a Biblical, Biological and Compassionate Response by Patricia Weerakoon with Robert Smith and Kamal Weerakoon.

Victoria’s ‘affirmation only’ approach to gender dysphoria is not supported by science. Firstly, study after study has shown that when parents and clinicians practise an approach of ‘watchful waiting’—that is, supporting a child without encouraging transition—around 85% of children grow out of their gender dysphoria by the time they are adults. Many of them end up identifying as homosexual.

However, if children are ‘affirmed’ in their gender dysphoria—if they are encouraged to change their name, pronouns and appearance—then almost 100% of them will proceed down a medicalised pathway towards puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones and potentially even surgery (The Gender Revolution, Chapter 6, Location 1674–83). This sets children up for a lifetime of dependence on experimental medical interventions and the consequent health risks (many of which are still unknown).

The ‘affirmation’ pathway is not harmless …

Keep reading this article (and my letter to my local MP) over at Growing Faith, a Christian online magazine for parents. Find out more about Growing Faith and subscribe to our monthly e-newsletter here.

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Harriet Connor

Harriet Connor

I'm a mother, wife and Bible teacher from near Sydney, Australia. I write about how the Bible's ancient wisdom makes sense of modern life and parenthood.

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