Our eldest son turns ten this weekend and it feels like a significant milestone. Motherhood (and fatherhood) teaches us a lot about ourselves and about life: not the kind of abstract knowledge you learn from a textbook, but the kind of wisdom and understanding you can only gain from experience. In fact, I have learnt most of these lessons by doing things the wrong way first!

Apart from experience, the thing that has taught me the most about parenthood has been listening to the wisdom of previous generations through reading the Bible and talking to my grandmothers. Here’s what I have learnt:

  1. You can function on much less sleep than you ever thought possible.
  2. You are capable of feeling much stronger emotions—love, fear, worry, shame and anger—than you ever thought possible.
  3. Every day, you need at least two “cups of tea”: a few moments to sit down, quiet and still, and catch your breath.
  4. The most important things cannot be scheduled or rushed: leave margins in your day.
  5. Playing with kids is fun! Seeing the world through their eyes brings new wonder and delight.
  6. You cannot stop bad things from happening to your children. But you can equip them with the skills to face life’s challenges.
  7. You are not perfect: you will “scar” your children. But you can also teach them how to cope with your (and their own) imperfections. Learn to say sorry, often.
  8. Your children’s happiness is not your primary aim: a truly meaningful life will come from knowing their place and purpose in the bigger picture.
  9. Your children are not meant to like you all the time: your job is to make decisions that are good for the whole family in the long-term.
  10. Children learn more about your values from your daily habits than from your words.
  11. You (and your husband) are your children’s primary teachers: parents, not schools bear the primary responsibility for their children’s education.
  12. Your marriage needs to come before your children: save some time and energy to connect as husband and wife, not just “mum and dad.”
  13. Fathers relate differently to their children and that’s a good thing: children need to be both nurtured and challenged; they need to develop both secure attachments and independence.
  14. You are not meant to do this alone: your husband is your parenting partner. You also need support from other mothers and a wider community that shares your values.
  15. Raising children is a long-term project: you are training apprentices in your entire way of life.

I am glad for all the ways that motherhood has shaped me into the woman I am today. No doubt the next decade will pass by just as quickly as the first one; I’m looking forward to the lessons it has in store for me.

I would love to hear what motherhood (or fatherhood) has taught you!