Harriet Connor

Author of Big Picture Parents

Category: Articles (Page 8 of 9)

Mums, Let’s Be Collaborators, Not Competitors!

As a mum, I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeing other mothers as competitors. When we meet another mum, we immediately start making comparisons; we want to know how we “rank” against her in different areas: our parenting, our appearance, our children, our cooking, our job etc.

If we think we’re doing better than that other mum—if we rank higher on the scale—we congratulate ourselves and feel proud. If we think we’re doing worse than her, we feel guilty, inadequate, and envious.

Why do we judge other mums like this? And how can we move from competition to collaboration?

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Strong Churches Depend on Strong Families

“Christian families should be strong at the core but flexible around the edges. Strong relationships within the family—between husband and wife, parents and children, older and younger generations—enable a family to extend their loving community to include outsiders.

Our churches will become stronger not by denouncing love for family as “idolatrous,” but by calling on families to open themselves up to gospel priorities.”

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Breaking the Taboo: How to Give Good Parenting Advice

We’ve all been on the receiving end of unwanted parenting advice—when a casual comment lands like a brick on your already tender conscience. But what happens when you’re on the other side—when you see someone you care about making parenting decisions you think they’ll come to regret?

In a recent article, Jon Thorpe observed that parenting has become a taboo topic in our churches. We are so afraid of offending or hurting other people that we resort to a polite silence.

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Tips for Staying Sane in the Age of Information Overload

Modern parents are pioneers, bravely going where no parents have ever gone before: the land of the internet experts. We live in a swirling sea of information and advice—it’s like there’s a little parenting expert sitting on our shoulder all day, commenting on our every move. We suffer from a bad case of information overload.

In previous generations, parents simply did their best with the limited information they had. There were only one or two parenting books to consult; parents worked the rest out themselves through observation and experience.

Raising children in the age of information is a completely different experience. Of course, it’s great to be able to Google “What rash is that?” or “Which car seat is safe for four-year-olds?” at any time of the day or night. But having access to unlimited information can actually make parenting harder.

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Helping Kids Look Beyond the “Kingdom of You” in Work, Marriage and Church

In a recent article, I described how modern parenting has been influenced by the prevailing culture of expressive individualism. Many parents enthrone their children in a “Kingdom of You,” where the purpose of life is to “follow your heart” and “be true to yourself,” no matter what anyone else says.

But the “Kingdom of You” is actually a miserable, suspicious and lonely place to grow up. Expressive individualism—where life revolves around you and your fleeting feelings—offers no firm basis for meaning, morality or community. These things can only be found by looking outside of ourselves to see our place in the bigger picture.

The Bible invites us and our children to belong to a much better Kingdom: the Kingdom of God. We were made not just for self-expression, but to honour our King and Creator; to steward his creation and to reflect his loving character to others. God gave up his only Son to set us free from the tyranny of self-rule and to enable us to serve him wholeheartedly. It is only when we know God our true King, and submit ourselves to his wise and loving rule, that we find our life’s true purpose.

Here are three key areas where we can help our children to look beyond the “Kingdom of You” and find their place in God’s Kingdom.

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Every Home Is a School. Every Parent Is a Teacher.

In Australia, where I live, school has just gone back for another year. The memories of the Summer holidays are fading fast, and we’re busy stocking our children’s backpacks with empty folders and notebooks. By the end of the year, those folders and books—and with them our children—will come home full of learning.

As the term begins, I’ve been reflecting on the respective roles that parents and schools play in the education of our children.

In our modern era, we are in the habit of outsourcing our children’s education to others. We see learning as an impersonal transaction—we engage schools, tutors and programs to teach our children then send them home. Home has become a place purely for relaxation and recreation; a place to recover from all of the learning done elsewhere.

But the more I read the Bible, the more convinced I am that the one image that captures the role of a parent better than any other is that of the teacher. It is parents, not schools, who bear the primary responsibility for their children’s education. Every home is a school. Every parent is a teacher.

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Children Need a Better Story than “Kingdom of You”

“If we want our children to thrive in the modern world, let’s ground them in a better story. In a world that gives children no firm foundation for meaning, morality or community, let’s give them some solid ground to stand on. Let’s not imprison them in the miserable “Kingdom of You,” but help them to discover the joy and freedom of finding their place in the Kingdom of God.”

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Parenting in God’s Big Family

“As parents, we bear the primary responsibility for encouraging our children to put their trust in Jesus. But we don’t have to do this alone. We have the privilege of including our children in a local family of faith—a whole community of people who can disciple them too.

At a time when many parents feel isolated and alone, a supportive church community can provide the kind of practical support and encouragement that modern families desperately need.”

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The Story of God’s Big Family

It is no secret that many parents today are struggling to cope. One of the reasons that parenting in our era is hard is that for the first time in history, we are trying to go it alone.

Many of us have moved away from our extended families and the places where we grew up. Even if our parents live nearby, many of them are busy working during the week. Our relationships with our neighbours are also more transient and superficial than in previous generations.

On a day-to-day basis it can feel like it’s just us—mum, dad and the kids—battling against the world.

But when we turn to the Bible, we see that from the very beginning, God has called individuals to be part of something bigger than themselves—to belong to his big family. The Bible is essentially the story of God’s relationship with one ancient family. If we have become children of God, it is our story too.

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Give Your Children All of Your Attention. Some of the Time.

There’s a battle raging in my mind this week. It’s school vacation, and my three kids are home and constantly seeking my attention. I keep telling myself, Put down your phone! Stop getting distracted! But when I do, my other chores and responsibilities seem to call out just as loudly as my kids.

How can I be a good mother, when I have so much else to do?

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